


A Different Life

by TheNovelistHobbyist



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Imprinting (Twilight), New Moon A/u, Slow Burn, not edward bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-03-26 16:52:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 34,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19009876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNovelistHobbyist/pseuds/TheNovelistHobbyist
Summary: When Bella is left in the woods it is Sam who finds her. As she builds a new life for herself in Forks and La Push, one without Edward, Sam becomes a key part of it. His care, his protection, and the way he looks at her, leaves her wondering what kind of future she can have.Sam does not believe in fated loves, he rejects it when he imprints on Emily, and is still reeling from his break-up with Leah. Something about Bella makes him think he has found a kindred spirit, and he wishes he could show her the beauty of love that is based on choice.





	1. Lost in the Woods

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is from Sam`s perspective because that feels, to me, like the most effective way to tell this part of the story. I am debating whether or not to switch between perspectives or to leave it all in Bella`s after this point. If you have an opinion please comment and let me know!

                Billy had warned me about phasing on Cullen lands, and typically I respected-or feared- him enough never to cross him. Still, something about the situation rubbed me the wrong way. The terror in Chief Swan`s voice when he had called that morning was eating away at me.

                _“Fuck it”_

                I saw no other alternative. I would never find this girl, the only daughter of one of the kindest men I knew, if I was in this form.

                Exactly as predicted, I practically flew as soon as my paws hit the ground. I was able to loop back to the Swan house undetected and locate the trail which had led her into the forest. It reeked of a floral human scent and the acidic smell of one of them. It had to be the right place. I followed it deep into the forest, more ground than I could picture her covering. When I was a mile into the woods, I noticed a red scarf, something she had dropped.

                It was a mile later that I sensed the trail split. She drifted off to the left, while his odor ran further up into the mountains. The smell of blood was, thankfully, absent.

                “She isn’t dead.”

                I heard a quiet groan from nearby and decided to quickly phase back. The last thing I needed was to reveal tribe secrets to a girl who had been bosom friends with my enemies. Stepping out from between to fir trees I caught my first glimpse of her. If I couldn’t hear her heart, I would have taken her for a corpse, she was so still and pale.

                “Bella?”

                Her dark lashes fluttered, but her eyes remained closed. Her heart sped. I crossed to her in three long strides and knelt beside her.

                “Are you hurt?” I gently placed a hand on her shoulder, willing her to look at me. “Bella, I`m Sam Uley. Charlie sent me to find you.”

                That caused her eyes to crack open, revealing chocolate brown irises. “Charlie?”

                “Yes, he sent out a search party. You`ve been missing for hours.”

                She gazed at me, but she seemed to be millions of miles away. Then, the howl of a wolf rose in the distance. I recognized it as Paul, he must has heard us. I knew it was a signal telling the others that she had been found, but it sent a shiver through her.

                “It`s alright.” She looked so fragile laying there in the damp grass that it felt like a crime not to make some effort to reassure her. “Are you hurt? Can you walk?”

                She took a deep breath and attempted to sit up. I could see the wavering in her back and threw out an arm to support her. “I…” her voice came out barely above a whisper “I think I`m fine.”

                “What happened?”

                Tears pooled at corner of her eyes. “I just got lost. I wandered off the trail.”

                I wouldn’t have needed to have smelled him, or to hear her pulse speed up, to know that she was lying. I couldn’t place whether she was lying to protect him or out of embarrassment. “He left you here.” I didn’t leave space for a question. “People saw you, with Edward.”

                She flinched when I spoke, and I felt instant regret. Then she bit her lower lip, let out a sigh, and answered me. “He left me on the trail, I could see the house from there. I followed.”

                “I`m sorry.”

                _“How could he do that to her. She`s so fragile, even someone-something-like him should know better.”_

I fought back the anger building in my chest and stood up. I offered her my hand and she grasped it, coming to stand shakily beside me. I attempted to lead her back the way I had come but she stumbled after only three steps.

                “It`ll be faster if I carry you.”

                She looked away. “I can walk. I`m just clumsy.”

                “It`s getting dark. There are wolves here.”

                I felt guilty for using her fears against her, but the idea of letting her struggle for two whole miles made me feel worse. She nodded, and I lifted her into my arms with a wave of relief. Her heart fluttered in her chest like a frightened baby bird.

                Less than halfway through the hike she was asleep. The warmth of my arms must have come as a relief following the coldness of the forest floor. It could have been peaceful. Instead, I felt hot tears run down my shoulder. She was crying in her sleep.

                _“So much for true love. Even couples bound by secrecy and magic can`t seem to do anything but ruin each other. None of us are safe.”_

                I let my own thoughts nettle me all the way down the trail, not caring how selfish it made me feel. Paul would taunt me for thinking about it all later, but it was impossible to make myself stop.

                Chief Swan was waiting on his front porch. He clutched a walkie-talkie in one hand and looked nearly as pale as his daughter. As soon as I broke through the trees he was on his feet, taking her from my arms.

                “She`s going to be alright,” I promised. I didn’t know if I was telling him or me.


	2. La Push

                Charlie let me lay in bed for nearly three weeks. He was patient and more nurturing than I had ever seen him. He called me out of school, brought home my assignments, asked Mrs. Newton to give me time off from work, and was constantly leaving snacks and glasses of water on my nightstand. I knew it couldn’t last forever, but it still jarred me when he finally put his foot down.

                “Bella.” He sat at the foot of my bed. “You need to get up and shower. We`re leaving in an hour.”

                My mind raced. Was he taking me to see a shrink? Sending me home to my mother? “Where are we going?”

                “To see Billy and Jacob. Get a move on.”

                That was it. A family gathering, practically, but it was clear there was no backing out. As I ran through a quick shower and threw on the first outfit my hands touched, I ran the scenario over in my head. Charlie might just be afraid to leave me alone here. If he had plans to go to Billy`s already he may be worried I would do something… drastic. Or. He might be inventing ways to get me out of the house.

                Either way, the drive to La Push was spent in silence. I felt bad for shutting Charlie out, but I didn’t see what else there was for me to do. He watched me out of the corner of his eye when we pulled in. I saw him settle visibly when I reached for the door handle immediately, doing my very best to look eager.

                Billy looked at me in a way that made my skin crawl. I loved him like an uncle, he had been a big part of my childhood, but every time I caught him looking at me, I was reminded that he knew. He knew what they were, he probably even had a good guess as to why they had left town.

                “Want to go for a walk?” I stood up quickly, and saw black spots appear in my vision.

                Jacob jumped up and was out the door right behind me. Over my shoulder I thought I saw Billy and Charlie exchange a smug look.

                “How are you?” the first words out of his mouth were the ones I was least prepared to answer.

                I made my tone as light as possible and shrugged. “I`ve been better.”

                He nodded understandingly and furrowed his brow. “So, he broke up with you?”

                “Pretty much, yeah.”

                “That sucks. I`m really sorry.” Something in his tone convinced me that he meant it.

                “Yeah well, we`re young. High school relationships don`t usually work out.” As I said it, I felt my chest grow tight, and I crossed my arms firmly.

                He sensed my discomfort and was kind enough to change topics. We had just reached the beach, and he extended an arm towards the water. “The weather has been so nice lately, doesn’t the water look so blue?”

                “Yeah it does. It makes me miss swimming pools.”

                “Swimming pools?”

                “It makes me want to swim, but the water here is so cold.”

                He mocked me, shivering dramatically and rubbing his arms. “C`mon at least it isn’t full of chlorine and piss.”

                “Fish piss.”

                “Touché.”

                We were nearing ten minutes into our debate about the relative virtues of bodies of water when I caught sight of a group of men standing a little farther down the shore. One of them looked familiar…

                “Jacob, is that Sam Uley?” I gestured with my chin, not wanting them to see me point in their direction.

                “Yeah. Why?”

                “I wanted to thank him. He was the one that found me.”

                “Found you?”

                Shit. Billy hadn’t told him. “Yeah, I kind of got lost in the woods.”

                He frowned. I didn’t want to hear him say anything about it, so I didn’t give him a chance to respond. “I`m going to be right back.”

                I walked as briskly as I could manage toward the three men. When they looked towards me I raised an arm in greeting. Sam was standing nearest to me, and he took a step towards me. “Bella?”

                “Sam. I just wanted to say, thank you. For finding me last month.”

                He looked over his shoulder at his friends before walking a little further away. I followed, hoping that was what he had intended. “You don’t need to thank me. Charlie was so worried, who could have said no?”

                I knew he didn’t mean it, but it stung. Knowing what I had been putting Charlie through made me feel like nothing short of the worst daughter on earth. _Except maybe Lizzie Borden._

                He must have caught sight of my expression as he turned to face me, because his tone softened. “How are you?”

                “Fine.”

                His eyes, which were a warm brown, seemed to pierce right through me. “Well, good. I was worried.”

                It was something people said to be polite. That was all. Still, somehow, I felt desperate to impress upon him exactly what impact his actions had. “Seriously, you probably saved my life.”

                He didn’t answer for a moment, he just looked at me. Under the weight of his gaze I felt myself wondering for the second time in my rather short life what exactly a man who had recently saved my life was thinking. He clenched his jaw for an instant and then finally spoke. “No one deserves to be left like that. No matter what company they keep.”

                I felt my face distort into some sort of hollow expression of shock and fear. He placed a large but gentle hand on my shoulder as he turned away from me. “Take care, Bella.” Then he was gone.

                Vaguely, I was aware of the sound of Sam walking back to the water. To my right Jacob called my name. It was all I could do not to drop into the sand and curl into a ball.

_Sam knew._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate comments so much, if you have any thoughts on this chapter or ideas for what you would like to see as the story progresses please let me know


	3. The Bonfire

                “Hello”

                “Hey! Bella, it`s Jacob.”

                I relaxed my grip on the phone, leaning back against the kitchen counter. “Oh, hey.”

                “You said that already.”

                “Shhh.” I heard him laugh through the line.

                “So, I wanted to see if you would come to La Push tonight? There`s going to be a big bonfire and everybody is going to hang out at the beach.”

                “Like a party?”

                “I guess. Nothing over the top though, it should be fun.”

                It suddenly occurred to me that this might be Billy and Charlie tossing us together once again, as they had been trying to do frequently the past few weeks. “What are the odds Billy gave you twenty bucks for this?”

                “Only twenty?”

                I felt myself laugh a little. It was the first time in a while, and it was oddly comfortable. “Alright, I`ll come. Make sure Billy pays you.”

                He snorted. “I`ll see you later Bells, bonfire starts at eight.”

                Charlie had been happy, a little too happy, when I told him about the bonfire. It was obvious that he had already gotten the gossip from Billy. I always got a little short with him when he and Billy were plotting. They had been trying to get Jacob and I together since we were old enough to walk. In spite of that, it felt kind of good to leave the house knowing he was grinning from ear to ear about it.

                When I made it to Jacob`s it was already dark. I cut the roaring engine of the truck in the driveway and grabbed my purse. As soon as I opened the door Jacob was there. He practically grabbed me and pulled me into a bear hug.

                “Damn, nice to see you too.” I winced when he released me and tried to pass it off as a joke.

                “You should drink more milk Swan.”

                I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for inviting me tonight.”

                “Yeah, of course.” He started to walk towards the beach, and I fell in stride with him, slinging my purse across my body.

                “So, did Billy end up giving you a good deal?”

                “Oh yeah, definitely. Tickets to Disney Land.” He lightly punched my shoulder.

                “Nice. This might even be worth it for that.”

                The bonfire came into full focus in front of us. It was huge, and the flames flickered in greens and blues. It was a driftwood fire, the same as the one I had seen on my first trip to the beach after living in Phoenix. There were somewhere around thirty teenagers scattered around the beach, most settled on logs or blankets. A black truck was parked at the edge of the sand and it`s radio was blaring music.

                Quil and Embry caught sight of us immediately. They ran over to Jacob with friendly enthusiasm.

                “Hey guys.” I was surprised by how easily I smiled.

                “Bella!” Quil, then Embry, gave me a quick hug. “We haven’t seen you in ages.”

                “Yeah, I`ve been pretty busy.”

                Embry smiled “Well give up on school like the rest of us and get down here more.”

                “Legend has it that no-one has ever seen Embry do his homework.” Quil quipped.

                “No thanks, I`m actually planning to go to college.”

                “You could come do homework with me, in the garage?” Jacob looked hopeful.

                “Definitely. Maybe Quil can come too. All of us with homework can spend some quality time together.”

                “Real nice guys.” Embry shook his head.

                Jacob led us all towards the fire, stopping on a wide log. Quil sat down in the sand, and I ended up between Jacob and Embry.

                Jake reached into a cooler behind the log and pulled out a corona. “Beer anyone?”

                “Dude, when did you get that?” The admiration in Quil`s voice was unmistakable.

                “This morning. I had to go off the rez to get it, but it was totally worth it.”

                He handed one to me and I accepted it with a smile. “Billy is going to kill you.”

                “Billy never finds out, not anything. I`m too sneaky for my own good.”

                Quil and Embry raced to be the first to tell me a particularly embarrassing story, and Jake returned the favor. The next hour passed in that way. It felt easy, like when we were kids. The beers, which they were only too glad to open for me when I struggled, were cold and tasted surprisingly pleasant. Before I knew it, I had had three and my head was spinning.

                I stood up, surprised when I didn’t stumble. Concern immediately washed over Jacob`s face. “You okay Bells? Are you gonna throw up?”

                “No, I`m fine. I just need a sec, be right back.”

                I didn’t know where exactly I was planning to go but I needed to get away. It was nice, it was easy, but I could only handle so much of other people. Apparently between the constant laughter and the drinking I had maxed out my social capabilities for the night.

                _“And I can’t drive like this. Shit.”_

                I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought about that earlier. How could I be so reckless? Edward would never have let me… The thought stung before it was even fully formed, so I pushed it away. Maybe he was right, maybe I was drawn to danger.

                As if in answer my feet led me up the slope at the end of the beach and into the trees. It was dark and the forest felt as if it was looming over me, huge and alive and ready to swallow me. I just kept moving forward until the glow from the bonfire was only faintly visible from where I stood.

                I heard a voice behind me and nearly doubled over out of shock. “Bella. Get out of the woods.” It was him. I spun to face him but found only empty air.

                _“Great. Now I`m crazy.”_

                It had to have a simple explanation. I was drunk and I was standing somewhere a little scary, it was just my subconscious trying to get me to stop. Maybe the alcohol made it easier for me to imagine things.

                I didn’t have time to continue my train of thought further before I heard a loud crunch behind me. The voice was right, I needed to get out of here.

                I turned back to face the beach and a man stepped into view. “Bella?” His voice confirmed that it was Sam Uley. There was no danger here.

                “Sam?” As I spoke, I felt the unasked questions pool in his name, I was still trying to figure him out.

                “You shouldn’t be out here alone.”

                “And you should?”

                He laughed. “I can take care of myself.”

                It was obvious that he could. I took in the fact that he was shirtless, wearing a pair of black sweats, and couldn’t help but notice the muscles of his chest. He was probably the strongest man I had ever seen. “Oh.” Was all the came out of my mouth.

                “Are you alright?” His brow furrowed and he took a step towards me.

                I mirrored his action, but it caused me to nearly trip and fall. Sam`s arms flew out to catch me. Holding me firmly around the waist, he rested my back against the nearest tree. “Are you drunk?”

                “Are YOU drunk?” It sounded childish as soon as I said it and I could have died of shame as I watched him laugh in response.

                “No, somebody has to be able to save you from the woods.”

                “I only had three beers.”

                “You weigh, like, a hundred pounds. That`s a lot for you.” When I didn’t answer he continued. “So, what are you doing up here?”

                “I just needed a minute.”

                “Did something happen?”

                “No, nothing. The guys were being really nice. I`m just not great at being around people anymore I guess.”

                “Because you`re sad?”

                It made my chest ache to hear him say it so bluntly. “Sort of.”

                His tone softened, and I found myself staring into his brown eyes. “That`s nothing to be ashamed of. It takes time.”

                He took a step closer to me and placed what was surely meant to be a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I felt the heat of his hand bloom across my skin and let out a shiver.

                “Are you cold?” he frowned.

                “Not really, I`m fine.”

                “That`s what you said before. On the beach. ‘fine’”

                “About the beach…”

                “Yes?”

                “I can`t figure out what you were thinking.”

                “What exactly does that mean?”

                “I mean.” I wrung my hands, trying to figure out what precisely I was asking him and why it even mattered. “Just that I have no idea how you feel about the fact that you found me.”

                “That matters to you?” He stared into my face as I silently hoped he would continue. It felt like an eternity had passed before he did. “I`m glad that I went because I don’t know who else could have found you. I just don’t like thinking about it. About what he did to you. I`ve never seen anything like it, the way you were laying there…” His words grew heavy and then he hesitated.

                “I`m sorry.”

                “You`re sorry?”

                “That I upset you.”

                He took another step towards me, now we were nearly nose to nose. I could feel the heat of his breath breeze across my cheek. “I`m not upset, and you shouldn’t be sorry. I`m just glad that you`re alright.”

                “You are?” My head tipped up in response and I found myself inches from him, our gazes locked.

                He sighed, then leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead. When he looked at me again his eyes seemed to say, “do you understand now?” but I didn’t. I knew even less than before, in a way.

                We stood like that for a moment, before he lifted one hand to cup my cheek. I felt myself let out a soft sigh in response to the warmth. His hands were calloused and broad but incredibly gentle. He ran his thumb back and forth. I was powerless to look away, though I knew that I should. Like I was in some sort of trance.

                Not sure what else to do, I raised one hand to touch his shoulder. It was even warmer and just as firm as his arms. That seemed to shift something in his posture. I saw decision form in the depths of his eyes before he leaned towards me and kissed me gently on the lips. It was a chaste kiss, and it barely lasted long enough for me to react. It was still enough to bring the blood rushing into my cheeks.

                He stepped back and gently pulled me back onto my feet. “You should get back to the beach. Your friends will worry.”


	4. Christmas

                Christmas in Forks had always been fairly low-key. Charlie hung stockings and put up lights on the outside of the house, but usually that was it. His friends did not share in his lack of enthusiasm for the holidays, and insisted we join them for Christmas Eve dinner in La Push.

                Charlie and I crammed gifts and containers full of homemade cookies into his cruiser and were bound for the Clearwater`s place. I was thankful that Charlie didn’t speak much on the way there. I was having trouble keeping my thoughts on anything other than Sam. He wasn’t one of the people who went to our little Christmas party-the guest list had been the same as long as I had been alive-but that wasn’t to say I couldn’t run into him. That seemed to be our pattern, bumping into each other.

                An hour later I found myself in the passenger seat of Jacob`s car with the door open. He was sitting on the couch against the opposite wall, between Quil and Embry. Leah Clearwater was sitting beside me on a cooler, her brother Seth on the ground to her right. We had ducked out to avoid listening to our parents talk sports, and maybe sneak a beer or two.

                “So, what`s the newest rez gossip?” I sometimes felt like the odd man out being the only one who went to school in Forks, even though I had grown up with all of them.

                Quil snickered “funny you should ask.”

                Embry shot him a look “shut up.”

                “Girl trouble?”

                Leah looked at me and rolled her eyes, “these guys wouldn’t know what to do with a girl even if they could get a date.”

                I laughed, even though I felt a little sorry for Embry. “How about you?”

                “Could I get a girl?” Leah quirked a brow. I heard Jacob snort.

                “I`m sure you could if you wanted to,” this made her laugh, “but I meant how are things going with your love life. You were dating someone, right?”

                Quil shot her a look that seemed to say “oh shit” but it was too late.

                Leah made a face “I was. That ended a few months ago. He totally cut me out for no reason, never explained himself, and then I caught him making eyes at my cousin.”

                Without thinking I reached out to place a hand on her shoulder. “that`s terrible Leah, I`m so sorry.”

                “We`ll kick his ass if you need.” Jacob volunteered.

                She eyed him up and down with a smirk, “good luck man.”

                Quil and Embry both burst out laughing at that. I bit my lip. Jacob was tall, really tall, and I knew he was strong. I tried to imagine someone bigger and stronger, someone Jacob couldn’t even match in a fight. The only person who came to mind was Paul Lahote, but the image of him with Leah was laughable.

                I hadn’t really talked to Leah in a long time, not since Jacob`s sisters had moved away, but I found that I liked her a lot. She was sharp and made us all laugh a lot. I wanted to be sure to see a lot more of her. By the way that Jake flushed when she teased him, I was pretty sure he wanted to as well. Seth hadn’t said much but I thought it must be because he was the youngest, it would be natural for him to feel a little shy.

                When the sun started to set it was just Jacob and I, everyone else had gone home. Charlie and Billy were deep in conversation, and argument about which of their “secret” fishing spots would be better for Saturday. Jacob rolled his eyes.

                “This could last for another hour, maybe we should take a walk.” He held the door for me.

                I nodded and stepped outside, it was just starting to drizzle, I pulled up the hood of my windbreaker “Good practice.”

                “What?” He shot me a look of confusion as we strode across the front lawn.

                “The door. Practicing for the ladies?”

                He rolled his eyes at me. The fact that he wouldn’t answer me confirmed my theory. Jake definitely liked Leah, and I was pretty sure he needed a wingman. Well, not a wingman, nobody as tactless as Quil or Embry. A wingwoman. Someone who actually knew her way around the female psyche.

                “So, how are you feeling?” he looked hard into my face.

                I considered that for a moment.

                _I feel like I want to see Sam._

                I was still dwelling, so much, on that kiss. I wanted to see him again to prove to myself it had really happened, or to try and figure out why it had. “Better, I think. It might be all the Christmas cheer.”

                “You hate parties.”

                “It doesn’t feel like a party to watch Quil and Embry arm wrestle over the only beer.” Before he could take that the wrong way I added “it was fun.”

                He smiled “good. We were worried for a while there.”

                 “We?”

                “Billy and Charlie and I.” He smirked, “and maybe Quil a little, he thinks you`re cute.”

                I laughed, “even if that’s true, I`m sure he wouldn’t want you to be telling me that. If you keep it up, he might start airing all your juiciest secrets too.”

                He rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure.”

                I looked up as I heard the sound of footsteps approaching us. My heart nearly exploded in my chest when I saw who it was. He was headed right towards us-me? - with intention. Jacob stiffened at my side.

                He stopped a step away, his expression completely neutral. “Merry Christmas Bella, Jacob.” He nodded to us in turn.

                “Merry Christmas!” It sounded to cheerful for me, and in my head sounded something like “kiss me again,” but I was overwhelmed by the way that his eyes seemed to swallow me up.

                Jacob grunted.

                He passed close beside me as he walked past and one of his hands brushed against my waist. Jacob`s lips tightened.

                “Geez” He grumbled.

                “What? Sam`s a nice guy.”

                “Tell that to Leah.”

                “Wait, Sam and Leah? He`s the guy she was talking about?”

                He sighed but it sounded more like a hiss, “yep. That`s the bastard in question.”

                The rest of our conversation was a blur, I let Jacob air all his grievances and tried to nod at the right times until I was in the car with Charlie. As he drove us back towards Forks I stared out the window, trying to make sense of everything.

                Sam had saved me. He had kissed me. I wasn’t sure what he thought of me, or what I thought of him. The feeling of his hands on my skin, when he had touched my face in the forest and when he had brushed against me at the beach, left my skin tingling. Jacob and Leah, and I suppose all my friends at La Push, hated him. Why wouldn’t they? Breaking up with Leah like that was cruel. What I couldn’t make sense of was how he could be the Sam who behaved that way with her and the Sam who I had encountered.              

                “Bella?” Charlie startled me out of my own head.

                “Yeah?”

                “I just couldn’t tell if you had fallen asleep, sorry.”

                I laughed, “no worries Dad.”

                I stuck my hands in my pockets, trying to draw myself back to reality. I was startled to find that there was something in my left pocket. I pulled it out to find a woven leather bracelet, it looked handmade. I turned it over in my hands, wondering how it had gotten there.

                _Sam._

                It had to be. It was right where he had touched me on the beach. He must have slipped it into my pocket, and I was too distracted my him to notice. I was relieved that Jacob hadn’t seen.

                “That`s pretty.”

                “Yeah. It was a gift.” I suppose that was what it was.

                “From Jacob?”

                I rolled my eyes, “no, just from a friend.” As I said it I felt myself hoping that I was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love getting comments, please lmk if you have any thoughts on this chapter


	5. Happy New Year

                New Year`s Eve, like Christmas, was always spent at La Push. It was comforting to think about the fact that Charlie had these traditions, even when I was living in Phoenix. Harry and Billy and their families had been so welcoming to him. They had always been close, some of my earliest memories centered on trips to La Push, but it had intensified once he was alone.

                This was going to be a strange night for me all the same. I wanted to see my friends, and I could feel that Leah and I were starting to get closer, but it was just such a long stretch of time. Three or four hours was a lot of socialization for me these days, much less being out until well after midnight.

                By ten I was starting to feel like I could jump out of my skin. Jacob`s garage was decorated with a few streamers, and there were noisemakers scattered around. Quil and Embry had been trying to convince everyone that we should go nab a bottle of champagne from the adults, while Leah and I shared knowing looks.

                “Hey, Bella.” To my surprise Seth had approached me.

                “Hey, what`s up?”

                “You don’t think they’ll really take the champagne, do you?” His brows were furrowed in worry.

                “No.”

                Leah appeared at my left, “even if they decide to, they aren’t smart enough to get any.”

                “They wouldn’t dare try in front of Charlie.”

                Seth laughed, “that`s right, your dad`s a cop.”

                Around eleven I was feeling worn down. Talking with Seth and Leah had soothed me for a while, but I was starting to feel claustrophobic and anxious. There were so many people, compared to what I was used to anyways.

                Quil took a seat to my right on the couch, a bottle of champagne in his hand. “I have returned-“

                “We!” Embry cut him off.

                He huffed “we have returned victorious.” He took a large swig out of the bottle and offered it to me.

                “I can`t, I have to drive Charlie home.”

                “Oh yeah.” He laughed, “well don’t rat us out to Chief Swan, okay?”

                I laughed, “Alright Quil, no problem.”

                I saw Jacob smirk at me out of the corner of my eye, and nervousness settled in the pit of stomach. It was approaching midnight fast and everyone else was starting to pair off, was Quil angling to kiss me? I liked Quil, he was a really nice guy, but I had no interest in that. Or in being kissed here at all realistically. I decided that the best way to handle this situation was to avoid it completely.

                I smiled apologetically at Quil and made for the door. Jacob caught my elbow as I passed, “Where are you going, Bells?”

                “Just for a walk, I`ll be back.”

                He nodded understandingly, “letting him down easy?”

                “Don`t you dare say anything.”

                He released me in order to put his hands up in a defensive gesture, but the laughter in his eyes told me he was going to tease Quil about this later.

                When I got outside it was pitch black, I could barely see my feet. I used my memory and a good deal of caution to guide myself to the log at the center of the beach. Looking out at the water and the way the moon reflected on it seemed like a good way to bring in the new year. Maybe I would get really lucky and catch sight of some whales.

                As I approached the log, I saw that I was luckier still. Sam was seated, shirtless, gazing towards the water. His head jerked in my direction. “Bella?”

                “Yeah, hi.”

                He smiled and I felt my heart swell in my chest. “Sit with me?”

                I came to sit at his left, leaving plenty of distance between us. “How are you?”

                He turned his face so that he was looking directly into my eyes. I was relieved that the dark would hide the way it made my cheeks color. His brow furrowed, “I`ve been busy. How are you?”

                “Pretty good.”

                “Good. You liked the bracelet.” It wasn’t a question. He was gesturing to it, secured around my left wrist.

                “Yes. It was nice of you.” That didn’t even come close to saying what I was thinking.

                He smiled softly, “I`m glad that you like it.”

                “Why?”

                “Why am I glad?” There was something in his tone I couldn’t quite place, it made me feel like he was saying something else entirely.

                “Sort of. Why did you give it to me?”

                “It was for Christmas. I wanted to give you something.”

                “And you kissed me?” I silently kicked myself for bringing it up but I needed to know where we stood.

                “Yes. I wanted to do that too.”

                My blush rose to what I was sure was a mortifying shade of red. “Oh.”

                He reached out to me, taking one of my hands gently between his. “I hope I didn’t scare you, that night.”

                “No!” my response was a little more forceful than I meant for it to be and he chuckled. “I mean, no. I wasn’t scared. Surprised maybe.”

                “By the kiss?”

                “And that you wanted to kiss me.”

                The look in is his eyes was warm, tender almost. It silenced the fear I was trying to voice in its entirety. I knew that he meant it, and that was enough to put my mind at ease for now. I felt the tension release from my shoulders.

                “Anything else?”

                I bit my lip. “Don`t be mad?”

                He sighed, “I swear.”

                “You and Leah…”

                His grip on my hand tightened slightly. “That`s a very complicated story. I assume you`ve already heard her side?” I nodded and he went on. “Everything she says is true. I won`t try to defend myself against any of it. I distanced myself because of a family issue, I couldn’t tell her about it because it wasn’t mine to share. Then I found myself starting to develop feelings for her cousin, Emily.”

                His face grew contemplative for a moment and he paused. “I never would have pursued Emily. I loved Leah, and even after we grew apart I respected her too much to hurt her like that. That being said, I don`t blame her for breaking up with me. She has every right to be angry.”

                “Sam?”

                “Hm?”

                “I`m sorry.”

                “For what?” He squinted slightly, as if he were having trouble understanding me.

                “I don’t know what was happening to you, but it sounds like it was very difficult. I feel bad for Leah too, but I don’t think its fair to put all the blame on you. Sometimes things aren’t anyone`s fault.”

                “Thank you.” With his free hand he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “You`re a very kind person.”

                We heard a whoop ring out from the houses surrounding the beach, followed by laughter.

                “It`s midnight.” I half whispered, startled at being pulled out of our seemingly private moment.

                “Happy New Year Bella.” He cupped my face in his hands and pulled me into a warm kiss. This time I responded immediately, tangling my hands in his hair. He nipped my bottom lip and I let out a gasp, allowing him to slip his tongue into my mouth. He moved a hand to my lower back and pulled me closer to him. When we parted I was breathing heavily, and he gave me a half smile. His arm was still around me.

                “Bella? Bella?” male voices rang out across the beach.

                Shit. I had a million questions for him, but there was no time. “I have to go.”

                With a nod he released me and watched as I ran back to the house. At the edge of the sand I nearly stumbled into Embry. I tried to scan his face to figure out whether or not he had seen us, but he gave away nothing.


	6. Leah

                Charlie was wonderful. Kind, understanding, funny-at times. What he wasn’t was subtle. When I came home from a study session at Jacob`s garage to find the whole house clean and Charlie in the kitchen, I knew something was up. He smiled at me in greeting.

                “Hey Dad. What`s up?”

                He didn’t detect the suspicion in my voice or chose to ignore it.

                “Figured it was my turn to make dinner for a change.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. It wasn`t entirely crazy that Charlie was cooking, he was a decent cook, it just wasn`t our routine.

                “That was nice of you. What are you making?”

                “Blueberry pancakes and bacon.”

                “Sounds amazing.”

                It was. We sat across from each other at our little table, eating in silence. Ordinarily it was companionable, but today it felt strained. The longer he went without speaking the more certain I was that Charlie had ulterior motives. A favor to ask, maybe?

                “So, any plans for Saturday kiddo?”

                Bingo. “Nope, why?”

                “Well, Billy, Harry, and I are going fishing. We want to leave Friday night and won`t be back until Sunday morning. If you wanted to have a friend over or something…” He paused to take a sip of his water, “I just don`t want to leave you all alone.”

                I felt bad that I had been so suspicious of him, he was just worried. He had reason to be. Nightmares had been keeping me up all night for months, and I saw the way that it wore on Charlie. No doubt he thought leaving me alone too long would lead to me doing something drastic. “Maybe I`ll give Leah a call.”

                “Leah Clearwater?”

                “Yeah, we`ve been hanging out a little the past few weeks. It might be fun to do it without the boys.”

                “No boys does sound pretty good.”

                After I finished the dishes, I decided to call her. When Harry handed her the phone, she sounded excited. We decided the best thing would be to meet in La Push on Saturday morning and figure things out from there. Having girl friends again was going to be nice. I loved Angela and Jessica, but I was too embarrassed to ask them to hang out after the way I had stopped spending time with them while I was dating Edward.

                His name made my chest constrict but I ignored it, saying goodnight to Charlie with a cheerful smile.

                Friday night and Saturday morning blew by at record speed. Before I knew it, I was saying a quick goodbye to Mike and racing out of Newton`s, headed to La Push. Leah met me in her driveway. Her hair was pulled back and she was wearing shorts and sneakers. I groaned internally, knowing she was about to suggest a decidedly outdoor activity.

                “So, I had a fun idea?”

                _“Doubt it.”_ “Oh really? What?”

                “I thought we could go for a hike and a picnic.” She saw the horror on my face and stifled a laugh, “I know you don`t usually like to hike. I was just thinking we could go to the tidepools, that was always our favorite as kids.”

                I was immediately hit with an image of all of us, Leah, Jacob, Rachel, Rebekah, Quil, and Embry, racing around the tidepools with Charlie, Harry, and Sue-carrying baby Seth- trying to keep us from falling in the water. It brought a smile to my face. “Alright, I`m game.”

                Luckily working at Newton`s required dressing the part and I was wearing exercise leggings with a flannel shirt and sneakers, exactly the kind of outfit I would have picked for a hike.

                “Aren`t you warm?” Leah asked.

                I snorted, “Here? Never. Besides, the more I`m wearing the harder it is to skin my knees and elbows.”

                She laughed. “You`re so dangerous. Were you this bad when we were little?”

                “I think so. I think all little kids are though, I just never grew out of it.”

                “That won`t factor well into you and Jake`s little age-point system.”

                A perfect opportunity to wingwoman. “Speaking of Jake…” she raised a brow in response. “What do you think of him?”

                She laughed, “What is that supposed to mean?”

                “Did you kiss him on New Year`s?”

                “No.” She took my hand to help me step over a large boulder.

                “Would you have wanted to?”

                She looked away and I wondered if she was blushing. “He wouldn’t have kissed me, everybody knows he`s been in love with you since forever.”

                “He`s basically my brother.” It wasn’t exactly true, not for Jake anyways, but that was the last thing she needed to hear. “And, this is such a secret, but I think that he likes you.”

                “Seriously?”

                “Seriously.”

                She pondered that for a moment, not answering until we were within view of the tidepools. “That’s kind of sweet, isn’t it?”

                “I think so.” I was super good at dealing with other people`s emotions, apparently.

                We settled down beside the tidepools to eat our lunch. Leah had brought a blanket and a small bag of food, all crammed into her backpack. We shared a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and each had an orange.

                “So. Not to gossip, because I really hate to, but I`m beyond curious…”

                I wondered what she could possibly be getting at. “Yeah?”

                “Where did that bracelet come from?”

                _“Oh crap.”_ Leah was just barely my friend and I was going to ruin it. She would hate me when she found out.

                She went on unprompted. “It`s just that it seems like a pretty personal gift, I guess. Is it handmade? It looks like it.”

                “Oh, yeah. It was a Christmas gift. I think it is handmade but I`m not certain.”

                Her face lit up “It`s from a guy, isn’t it? Is that why you practically ran away from Quil the other night?”

                I laughed. “I wouldn’t have kissed Quil either way. Somebody should, but it isn’t going to be me.” I debated lying to her for a moment, before deciding it would only make things worse if she ever found out. ‘But, yeah. It was from a guy.”

                “Will you tell me who?”

                I frowned. “I guess?”

                Her eyes narrowed. I knew before she spoke that Leah was very perceptive, and she was on to me. “I don`t mean for this to sound paranoid or anything, but was it Sam?”

                “Yeah.” I briefly wondered if she would yell or storm off.

                She sighed. “Are you guys seeing each other or something?”

                Her response was so calm, I should have given her more credit. “No. Nothing like that. He was the one who found me in the woods a few months ago, I`ve just run into him here and there since then.” It didn’t feel necessary to tell her that he had kissed me, twice.

                “That was nice of him. Helping to find you and the gift, I mean.”

                “You think so?”

                She flopped onto her back on the blanket. “Of course. I wouldn`t have dated him for two years if he wasn’t nice. That`s not to say I`m not angry, because I am, but I just have this feeling I don`t know the whole story. Plus, he never did call Emily. So that helps.”

                I wanted to tell her what he had said to me about it, but it didn’t feel like my place to. Maybe sometime he would get the opportunity to tell her himself.

                After we ate, we wandered around the tidepools. Leah was brave, she balanced on slick rocks and jumped from one to another to get the closest look she could. I stuck to the safest spots that I could, but her energy made me want to be bold too. Taking a deep breath, I jumped to a rock a few feet from the edge. I nearly lost my balance, which made her cackle with laughter.

                “Careful, Bella.” His voice murmured in my ear. I could have fainted.

                I had assumed before that it was a figment of my imagination, created only because I was drunk. Experimentally I jumped to another, slightly smaller, rock. I heard Leah cheer me on.

                “You could fall.”

                I was terrified. Where was it coming from? It had to be in my head, there was no other explanation, so was I going crazy? Then it struck me that I wouldn’t know what to do if I never heard his voice again. Even though I was moving forward in my life I needed to know that he had been real, that I had meant something to him.

                I leaned as far over the water as I could, pretending to be looking at a starfish.

                “Bella. Stop.” I heard him in my ear.

                My heart was pounding, and I really did think I would fall in.

                _“That`s it. The fear, the adrenaline, that’s what makes me remember.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hate that Leah is characterized as being such a huge bitch for no reason, I imagine her being a much more complex character than that. I hope the way I write her works for you guys.


	7. Jacob

                I spend the next week thinking about nothing but adrenaline. I needed to hear him again, or at least to prove my hypothesis. The ideal solution came across my path as I drove to La Push. Two motorcycles which had been set on the curb with the trash. With a little help, they were soon in the back of my truck.

                I was on edge as I drove onto the reservation, praying nobody I knew would see me and report back to Billy or my dad. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard a loud tap on my passenger window. A wave of relief washed over me when I realized it was Leah.

                “What are you doing?”

                “Good old-fashioned delinquency. Want in?”

                “Fantastic.” She threw the door open and jumped in the truck.

                “So how exactly do you feel about motorcycles?”

                She laughed, “well I know how our dads feel.”

                “I just acquired two. For free. So, we`re headed to Jake`s garage.”

                “That`s right, he`s a mechanic. Convenient.”

                When we parked in front of his house the boy in question ran out to meet us, alerted by the roar of my engine. He picked me up in a firm hug before doing the same to Leah. She whacked him in the arm playfully. It was all I could do not to laugh, Jake seemed to be the only person who didn’t realize that they were flirting with each other.

                “These are so cool!” Jake was standing at the back of the trunk staring at the bikes.

                “Bella found them.”

                Jake grinned, “and you knew that my superior mechanic skills were in order.”

                I laughed, “yeah, something like that.”

                Jake carried the bikes carefully to the garage while I stood watch for Billy. Leah stood at the end of my truck in order to head off anyone who came up the drive. Within ten minutes we were in the garage trying to come up with a plan.

                “This could get expensive. Like, more than a hundred dollars.” Jake frowned.

                Before I could offer up the money, Leah jumped in. “Not if you know where to look.”

                We both gave her quizzical looks and she shrugged. “So, I may know a thing or two about cars. There are some junkyards around the area that probably have most of what we need. If we do this my way, we can keep the budget closer to fifty dollars.”

                Jake looked even more smitten than he already had, if that was possible.

                We spent the next hour sitting around the floor of the garage while they made a list of parts. It was strange to me, to sit back and watch my friends flirt using mechanical skills. Leah kept insisting she knew best, and every time Jake checked and found that she had been right the dopey look on his face grew.              

                Leah stood up, wiping her hands on her jeans. “I gotta go, should we go pick up some parts tomorrow?”

                “Definitely,” Jacob gave her a wide smile, before continuing to clean and mark the parts they had taken off the bike.

                “Sounds great. Night Leah.”

                “Night.”

                I waited until I was sure she was out of earshot before I spoke again, “Geez Jake, drool much.”

                “Shut up.”

                “Hey,” I laughed “I think you should go for it.”

                He dropped the piece of metal in his hands and looked over at me, “seriously?”

                “Yes.”

                “Did she say something?”

                “Girl code,” I said, miming locking my lips with a key.

                He rolled his eyes at me. “I think it might be too soon, after her thing with Sam.”

                “She sounded over it to me,” so much for girl code, “we talked about it a little.”

                Jacob turned back to the parts list, but I could practically feel his smile light up the garage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that there was no Sam this chapter, there will be soon


	8. The Garage

                After getting a call from Mrs. Newton asking her to cover a shift, I decided to meet Leah and Jacob in La Push after they made a run for parts. I was a little sad to be missing out on part of the fun, but it seemed like as good a time as any for them to see each other one on one. I would be thrilled if I managed to successfully play matchmaker.

                The downside was that I didn’t have a single customer. No matter how many times I swept the floor or wiped down the counter it wasn’t enough to keep me from my thoughts. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that I had been hearing Edward. It seemed impossible, and I didn’t know how to fix it. I wasn’t sure that using the bikes to hear him again was the right thing, but I didn’t think I knew how to make it stop.

                That train of thought could only carry me so far before I was drawn back to thoughts of Sam. It had been almost a month since New Year`s, and I had yet to see him again. Part of me was afraid that he had been avoiding me. That was silly, and I knew it, but it was hard to banish it entirely.

                Maybe, after we almost got caught, he decided it wasn’t worth kissing me again? The idea made me feel deflated somehow. I didn’t like to dwell on it, but I knew that I really liked kissing Sam. There was something about him that drew me in. Unless it was just being kissed. I had been left alone, and it was possible that feeling desired was all I needed.

                By the time I was ready to clock out I felt pretty grim. The door dinged and I looked up, expecting to see Mike coming in for his shift. Instead, I saw Sam. Seeing him while deep in the midst of figuring out all the reasons he wouldn’t want to be involved with me made my stomach tie itself in knots.

                “Bella. Hi.”

                I feared for a moment that I had forgotten how to speak. “Oh, hey. Are you looking for anything in particular?”

                Mike popped up at that moment, I could have flung something at him for his timing. “Oh hey, Sam, right? I can help you.” He waved to me, letting me know I was free to go.

                I hung my vest behind the counter, scowling at the hideous neon orange color, and stalked towards the door. When I got to my truck, I tossed my purse into the passenger seat and put my head in my hands.

                A knock on my window startled me. “Bella?”

                I rolled down the window as quickly as I could manage. “Hi.” I noticed that he wasn’t holding anything, “Didn’t find what you needed?”

                “Nope.” He frowned, “everything alright?”

                “Yeah, definitely.”

                “You just seemed pretty keyed up.”

                I knew I was making the face at him, the “please kiss me again face,” and I could have died of embarrassment. I couldn’t exactly tell him that I had been thinking about him when I walked in, or that I had wanted to get to see him and Mike ruined it.

                “Yeah, Mike was just late.”

                “In a hurry?”

                I sighed. _“Not if you don’t want me to be.”_ “No, not really. Just meeting Jacob and Leah.”

                “I`ll let you go then. Be safe.”

                The drive to La Push was torture of the worst kind. I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that I wanted Sam the way that I did even though I was still in love with Edward. It felt beyond wrong, cruel even, and it left my head spinning. By the time I parked I felt like dropping and kissing the earth the way people did in movies about boats.

                When I got inside, I was pleasantly surprised to find Quil seated on the couch while Jacob and Leah hovered over the bikes.

                “Hey Bella.” He greeted me with a smile.

                “Hey Quil, where`s Embry?”

                Leah groaned. “Not here.” Quil said, flatly.

                “Probably off with Sam,” Jacob muttered.

                “I didn’t know he and Sam were friends?”

                The pieces clicked together in my head. Sam was upset because Embry, his friend, had seen us together. He had wanted it to be a secret, because it didn’t mean anything.

                Before I could acknowledge the stinging in my chest Jacob answered. “No. Nobody is really friends with Sam.” The way he emphasized the word “friend” made my skin crawl.

                “They`re like a cult or something.” Quil chimed in, “Paul and Embry and Jared follow him around like he`s their boss or something. He gives them one look and they just… obey.”

                Leah looked at me, as if she was gauging my reaction. I was sure I looked somewhere south of tense and uncomfortable.

                “The next time he comes near me I swear to god I`m gonna take a swing at him.”

                “Jake!” It was out of my mouth before I could censor myself.

                “You could take him!” Quil pumped one fist in the air.

                Leah and I shared a look of disbelief.

                I sighed. “I don’t know you guys, are you sure it isn’t a misunderstanding?”

                Jake shot me a look that seemed to scream “traitor.”

                “C`mon Bella…” Quil`s expression mirrored his.

                “I`m sorry, its just… He saved my life. I guess I feel like I owe him the benefit of the doubt.”

                “What do you think about that Leah, Sam the hero?”

                “I think you should leave it alone Jacob.” Her tone left no room for argument. He muttered something under his breath and went back to trying to attach a part to the bike.

                We sat in a strained silence for a few minutes, though it felt like years. Then Leah sighed, her voice like honey, and said “Jake, let me try. I have smaller hands.” She took the wrench out of his hand and he gave her a soft smile. The atmosphere relaxed, and Quil turned to adjust the radio.


	9. Left Behind

                I was definitely going crazy. At least a little. My experience at the tidepools had left me desperate, and the bikes weren`t coming along as quickly as I needed them to. Jacob and Leah didn’t seem to be angry with me about defending Sam, but I still needed a day to clear my head. A little adrenaline searching seemed to be the perfect way to spend it.

                I got in my truck and started to drive, thinking I might stumble across a good idea. Instead I came to the sudden realization that I had driven towards their house. I managed to find the driveway on the first try, for the first time, in spite of the fact that it was overgrown with grass and weeds. When I parked and gazed up at the house, I felt my chest constrict.

                _“That`s one kind of adrenaline, I guess.”_

                I cut the engine. Sitting there, staring up at the house, I tried to imagine that I would walk in and find them all sitting there. They would be frozen, like in a fairy tale, and when I walked through the door, I would break the spell. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t picture him there, even though I could see everyone else. It would be enough. Even without him. Carlisle and Esme standing together gazing out the back window, Alice leaning her head on Jasper`s shoulder while he read, Emmet running his fingers through Rosalie`s hair while she told a story. It would be nearly perfect.

                It made me feel like curling up into a ball. Somehow thinking of them all, not just of him, was even more painful. Then, releasing the image felt even worse. I could hardly bear the thought of the way that the house would feel without them. Would it be untouched with a fine layer of dust? It was hard not to think of myself as just another piece of discarded furniture if that was the case. Yet the idea of it empty seemed to make me reel even harder. How could I know that they had really existed-that he had existed – if there was nothing to anchor that fact with?

                It became clear to me that nothing I imagined would prepare me for what was actually inside. I felt like I was in a dream as I left my truck and walked up to the front of the house. I steeled myself, wondering absentmindedly if Alice would see that I came here. Then I pushed open the front door. It was unlocked.

                With a gasp of pain, I saw that the front room was exactly as I had last seen it. The shattered crystal was gone, but the bulk of the decorations from my ill-fated birthday party remained. The piano sat to my left; a layer of dust covered the once glossy top. I wanted to sit at it, to try to imagine his hands on it, but found that I couldn’t bring myself to touch it.

                I walked up the stairs, noting as I passed that they had left the graduation caps behind, and tried to walk briskly to his door. I was caught by surprise to see that the door to Carlisle`s study had been left open. I stepped in, thinking of the first night I had come to visit them. The desk looked exactly the same, a few pieces of mail sat on it, unopened. They had left in a hurry. Turning around I saw that the shelves were missing most of the older and larger books, and the painting of Volterra had disappeared as well.

                “Maybe not too much of a hurry.”

                The next room I passed astonished me even more. It was Alice`s. I remembered hating it when I would be stuck sitting in her room for hours while she fussed over my hair and painted my nails. Now I was sure I would do anything to bring her back, to do it all over again. I wandered into her closet, praying it would be empty. The idea of Alice abandoning the things I most associated with her made me fear that I hadn’t known her at all.

                I let out a sigh of relief, and sadness, to see it was mostly empty. There were a few shoe boxes and dress bags hanging, but nothing of note. I ran my hand across the nearest one and a small tag caught on my fingers. I leaned closer to read it.

                _Bella_

                The sight of my name written in her careful handwriting forced my heart into my throat. With shaking hands, I opened the bag, tears starting to run down my face. It was, to my shock, a wedding dress. I had never been the kind of girl who dreamed about my wedding. I would have rolled my eyes if Alice had told me when she bought this. Now, I couldn’t breathe. She had seen that I would marry him, the same way she had seen me as one of them and had been sure enough to get me a dress. The perfect dress. It had long lace sleeves, a narrow silhouette, and tiny buttons all the way down the back. If I had been lucky enough to meet him in the past, in his own time, I might have worn something like it.

                I felt myself starting to crumble. The dress was discarded, left here along with me, because we both belonged to a future that no longer existed. Without looking at anything else I fled from the room. I stumbled blindly down the hall and into my original target, his room.

                I had expected it to be overwhelming. After the way my heart had knotted over Carlisle and Alice, I expected to be left sobbing in a heap on the floor. Instead, I felt completely absent. Like a ghost. The room looked the same, he had taken nothing. Unlike the other two it didn’t draw his image to my mind. The room mattered only when he was here. There was nothing here.

                I turned and moved out of the house as quickly as I could, forcing myself not to go into any of the other rooms. All it was doing was confirming to me that he was gone. That the rest of them loved me, that I could feel somehow, but he no longer did. When I reached the front porch, I knew I needed to get away.

                My feet carried me of their own volition away from the house and into the woods. I broke into a run, not caring when I stumbled. I twisted my ankle on a root, skinned my knee on a rock, and slammed my elbow into a tree. I couldn’t bring myself to stop. I smelled the blood from my knee, and it turned my stomach, but I couldn’t stop.

                I thought to myself that maybe, just maybe, this is how I would die. I wasn’t sure I could find my way back to my truck now. Even if I tried, I was probably lost. I would have to be beyond lucky to be discovered twice. No, darkness would come, and I would be found by an animal or die of exposure. I remembered the sounds of wolves nearby, the last time, and shivered.

                A pair of hands grabbed me, and I let out a piercing scream.

                “Bella! Bella, stop, it`s alright.” I looked into Sam`s eyes and saw that they were full of worry.

                I realized now that I was standing still that my breathing was ragged and panicked, and that I was exhausted. I had no idea how long I had been running.

                “Are you alright?”

                I shook my head, in spite of everything in me that screamed at me to lie to him. I didn’t, couldn’t, want him to see me like this.

                He cupped my face in his hands, staring into it. “What are you doing out here?”

                “I was…” I sighed “having a bad day.”

                He dropped his hands just as I felt them start to shake. “Come on. Let`s get you home.”

                I wasn’t sure how he could tell where he was going, especially because he had no way of knowing where my truck was parked, but I followed. After a few steps he extended a hand to me. I took it gratefully. We walked in silence to my truck, Sam stopping occasionally to lift me over a branch or a boulder. Each time he touched my waist it felt like my skin was on fire, but he dropped his hands right away.

                By some small miracle we came out of the woods exactly where I had entered. I glanced at Sam, but his face was unreadable.

                “Thank you.”

                He looked towards me with what I thought was surprise. “Of course. We should get you home.”

                I nodded, moving towards my truck. He grabbed me elbow, “give me the keys Bella, you`re in no state to be driving.”

                I handed them over and moved silently into the passenger seat. Now that I was safe all I could feel was shame. I had made Sam save me again, Charlie would be terrified to let me out of his sight, all I seemed to do was make trouble for people.

                As he pulled out onto the rode Sam sighed. “Are you crying?”

                “No.” I bit my lip, trying desperately to hold back tears.

                “You shouldn’t have come here.” There was an edge to his voice that stung me.

                I felt tears start to roll down my cheeks. “Bella, please don’t cry. I didn’t mean it like that. Only that it could be dangerous.”

                “Dangerous?”

                “You need to stop wandering off on your own, especially in the forest. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

                “Oh.” I ran that over in my mind for a moment. “Are you talking about the wolves? The ones everyone has been seeing?”

                He snorted, “The wolves are the least of your worries.” His hands stiffened as if he had said too much.

                I thought back to our conversation, months ago, where he had mentioned “the company I keep.” It brought back with certainty the feeling that Sam knew. He knew what the Cullens were, and he knew that I did too.

                “They`re gone. Besides, they wouldn’t hurt me.”

                He shot me a look out of the corner of his eye, “I know that they`re gone. They aren’t the only things out there.” He bit his lip, “And, I don`t mean to be rude, but I think that they already have hurt you.”

                Before I could decide what to say, or how to explain, he was parking in my driveway.

                “Do you mind if I come in? I`d like to take a look at your knee, if you`d let me?”

                “Sure.” It was all I could form as I led him into the house, tossing my keys on the counter.

                “I need you to take off your jeans so I can see your knee, maybe you should go put on some shorts?”

                I flushed, “I kind of don’t have any. I left them all in Arizona, I`m always so cold here that it felt silly to bring them.”

                He let out a soft huff, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I just think you need to have it looked at.”

                I raised a brow at him.

                “I kind of know what I`m doing. I wanted-want – to be a doctor. I haven’t been to medical school or anything, but I used to work as an intern for Dr. Gerandy. A skinned knee is well within my capabilities.”

                “Alright,” I bit my lip, “so you need me to take off my jeans?”

                “Yeah. If that`s alright.”

                I rolled my eyes in a way that I hoped was convincing and unbuttoned them. Sam turned away from me, looking in our cabinet. “Where`s the first aid kit?”

                “Top left.”

                When he turned back to me, I was standing there in my underwear, feeling extremely grateful that I was wearing boy-shorts today. He set the kit down on the counter, and gently lifted me so that I was sitting beside it. The feeling of his hands on my waist made my chest pound.

                When his hand touched my knee, I winced. “I don’t know how you kept going with this rubbing against your jeans.”

                Looking down I realized it was worse that I had thought. It wasn’t a skin; I had sliced my knee on a rock. It was deep and covered in dried blood. I felt my head start to spin.

                “Hey, look at me.” He waved his fingers in front of my face, “blood makes you woozy?”

                “Yeah. And sick.”

                He laughed, “that’s a little ironic, isn’t it?”

                Something about the situation made me decide to drop the façade. Same knew, and I was going to stop acting like I didn’t understand what he was saying. “Well, it wouldn’t go particularly well for either of us if I had started bleeding, so it worked out.”

                “Edward and you?”

                I fought back the urge to flinch. Somehow, I was able to handle hearing his name aloud, and looked up at Sam, “yes.”

                He sighed. “So, you really knew?”

                “What he was? Yes.”

                He wiped my knee clean and my nose wrinkled at the scent of rubbing alcohol. “I thought so. I never understood it though.”

                “It was complicated.”

                “I thought he had killed you.”

                I choked. “What?”

                “When you were lost. I thought I would find you dead.”

                “He wouldn’t have.”

                He clenched his jaw, “he could have. Any of them could have.” He raised my wrist so that the scar pointed up and gave me a pointed look.

                “You noticed that?”

                He nodded. “The world is a dangerous place Bella. Even more than you know. Please, stop being so reckless.”

                The expression on his face pained me. “I will.”

                He placed a bandage on my knee, and I sighed in relief. “There, all better.”

                “Thank you.”

                “You`re welcome.”

                Something in his posture still felt tense. I replayed the conversation in my head and let out a gasp. His eyes jerked back to my face. “Sam, am I in danger?”

                He shook his head, his tone firm. “No. At least, not right now.” He leaned a little closer to me and his voice softened, “I promise you you`re going to be safe.”

                In spite of the anxiety which was knotting in my stomach I felt comforted by his words. The look in his eyes told me that he meant them. Without thinking about it I closed the gap between us, kissing him softly on the lips.


	10. Motorcycles

                Saturday morning, like every Saturday, was spent with Jacob. I had gotten an excited call from him asking me to come up as soon as possible- the bikes were finished.

                When I parked my truck, he was nowhere to be seen. It was unusual, making me think he must not have heard me pull up. As I walked toward the garage I heard laughter. My curiosity got the better of me, so I crept towards the door in hopes of seeing what had Jake so distracted.

                “I`m serious!” he insisted, followed by an exasperated huff.

                I peeped around the door, just in time to see Leah turn to face him, a wrench in her hand. She poked him with it, “well you`re wrong.”

                “C`mon, I really think I`m right this time.”

                “You never are.”

                He grimaced, but I could see more laughter bubbling just below the surface, “what makes you so sure?”

                “You`re an idiot.” She said it like an endearment, stepping closer to him.

                He grinned, leaning down to kiss her. When he pulled away she ran her thumb across his cheek, smearing grease onto him.

                “Leah!” he turned to try and grab her as she walked past but she was too quick.

                It was warm, familiar, comfortable. I was certain I had not just witnessed their first kiss. I smirked to myself, wondering how long it had been going on. I took a few steps back and then kicked at the gravel driveway to announce my presence.

                Jake popped out of the garage, catching me in a hug. “Hey Bella, didn’t even hear you pull up.”

                Leah appeared behind him, “ready to go ride the bikes?”

                Jake slung them quickly into the back of my truck and covered them with a tarp, while Leah and I tried to convince him to let us help. Each time we mentioned that they were heavy he just flexed his biceps and rolled his eyes. After our third offer Leah looked at me in exasperation and went to sit in the truck.

                Jacob suggested we go to an old dirt road off the back side of the rez. According to him, absolutely nobody drove there. It would be a safe place to practice and it was unlikely we would be caught. Leah and I thought that it sounded perfect.

                As we drove up the road, headed to Jake`s secret spot, I decided to have a little fun. I looked at him, my face casual, and furrowed a brow. I stared for a moment, long enough for both him and Leah to notice. “Jake, is that...?” I ran my thumb over my lip, “do you have lip gloss on?”

                His face went cherry red and he shot Leah a look. She elbowed him hard in the ribs. Before he could form an answer, I collapsed into hysterical giggles.

                Leah`s mouth opened in shock before she started to laugh too, “you saw us?”

                “Yeah.”

                Jake reached over the whack my shoulder. “I can`t believe you got me.”

                “I don`t even wear lip gloss.” Leah squeezed his elbow.

                He stuck his tongue out at her, more focused on the road now. We came around a bend facing the water. On the far side there were cliffs which backed up to the forest. The beach lay somewhere far below. I watched with curiosity as I noticed four men standing at the edge of the cliff. I couldn’t tell who it was from this distance.

                When the first one fell, crashing towards the water below, I screamed. Jacob slammed on the breaks. Before I could process anything else, I was standing on the road, right against the guard rail. “Some one just fell! Leah, oh my god, call 911!”

                She jumped out of the car behind me, Jake just rolled down his window. When I heard him start to laugh, I threw him my best glare. “This is serious!”

                Leah placed a hand on my shoulder. “Hey, calm down. Everything`s under control.”

                “They`re cliff diving Bella!” Jake called from the truck.

                “What?”

                “They jump for fun. Look,” Leah extended her hand, pointing to the man standing nearest to the edge now, “there`s Sam.”

                I felt goosebumps raise on my arms. I wanted to see, the idea of jumping from somewhere so high seemed exhilarating. Another part of me was holding my breath out of fear. I wasn’t sure that I _could_ watch Sam throw himself from that height. When he jumped, I felt my heart stop, but it was short lived. He stretched his arms out like a diver, and all I could think was that it looked like he was flying. That, and how handsome he looked.

                Leah smirked at me, something on my face must have given away my train of thought. “Come on!” Jacob called for us.

                The motorcycle was surprisingly scary. It had been my idea, but it wasn’t what I had imagined it to be. It felt too big and too strong underneath me. Still, Jacob was patiently showing me the controls and I was doing my best to ignore my fear and memorize them.

                It took several tries to get it started, but once I had I felt like I was flying. The speed of it was familiar, like Edward carrying me through the forest. I waited for the agony at thinking his name, but it didn’t come.

                “Bella.” His voice whispered to me, “slow down.”

                _“No.”_

                “Stop it.” His figure hovered in front of me like a ghost.

                I let out a gasp. He had always told me that he was frightening, that I should run in terror, but it wasn’t until this moment that I believed it. This image of him was not at all how I remembered him. His eyes were the darkest black, like the first day I had met him, and seemed inhuman. His skin was translucent, showing me every vein- each of which was purple and lifeless. The hollows under his eyes seemed to swallow up the beauty of his porcelain face. I willed myself to look away, to scream, and then I felt myself slam into something.

                It took a moment for me to gain my bearings. On impact, I had no idea what had happened. Looking around I noticed that I was on the ground, my head against a rock, with the bike on top of my legs. I faintly recognized its engine continuing to growl. I smelled blood. In spite of the fact that I could hear Jacob and Leah yelling my name I was silent, and deathly calm.

                Jacob pulled the bike off of me and shut it off, while Leah crouched in front of me. “Bella?” Her voice was full of apprehension, “are you alright?”

                Jake appeared beside her, “We should get you to the ER kid, that looks like its going to need stitches.” His words were calm, but his tone was near panic.

                _“I have a deep cut. Is it my head?”_

Focusing on my head woke me from my shocked silence, I brought a hand to my forehead with a groan. “It`s killing me. How bad does it look?”

                “Is everyone alright?”

                Jake turned to shoot an icy look over his shoulder. “Just fine Sam, thanks.”

                He stepped past Jake to crouch at my left, “How are you feeling Bella?”

                “Just peachy.”

                He smiled a little at that. “We should get her to the ER.”

                Jacob clenched his jaw, “I`m taking her right now.”

                “She needs space to breathe. Let me take her, you can follow right behind me.”

                Leah laid a hand on Jake`s arm, “it is a tight fit with three of us in the truck.” Then she looked to Sam, “That`s really nice of you.”

                “Please drop the bikes off first. I don`t want Charlie to see them.”

                “Alright, fine. But only because it`s on the way.” Jake turned to grab my bike, Leah following close behind him.

                Sam reached for my legs, starting to pick me up.

                “Wait, I can walk. Really, I can.”

                “We aren`t going to test that theory.” I frowned, and he patted my shoulder. “If you have any damage to your legs you won`t be able to feel it yet, probably, because you`re in shock. Walking on it before you get it looked at would only make it worse.”

                “Oh.”

                He scooped me up and carried me towards his truck, which was parked at the opposite end of the dirt road. His strides felt unusually fast, but I assumed it was just because he was so tall. He sat me in the passenger seat as gently as he could and reached around me to buckle my seatbelt. When he got in, he reached into the backseat, rifling around for something.

                He pressed a towel into my hands. “Here, it`s dry. Hold it to your head.”

                I obeyed, and he started to drive. He broke the silence again after a moment. “You seem very calm.”

                “Is that not normal?”

                “No. Not really.”

                “Well, I`ve had a lot worse.”

                “Really?”

                “I`ve been attacked by a vampire twice.”

                “Twice?” his grip on the wheel tightened, and he flicked on his blinker with entirely too much force as we pulled out onto the highway.

                “Yeah. Last summer and on my birthday.”

                “Tell me about it? I`m sure what I`m imagining is much worse.”

                “My birthday was not too bad. He didn’t even touch me. I got a paper cut and Jasper went a little crazy. When I got pushed out of the way I went through a table covered in crystal and had to get stitches.”

                He frowned. “Not too bad? Exactly had bad was the first time.”

                “Bad.”

                When he didn’t answer I knew he was waiting for me to continue. “We met these three vampires while we were playing baseball- “

                “Playing baseball?”

                “It`s the American pastime.” He snorted. “Anyways, one of them decided that he was dead set on me. So, he chased me, and I had to hide out in Phoenix. Only, he was able to lure me out.”

                “How?”

                “He convinced me he had my mom. So, I got away from Alice and Jasper and went right to him.”

                “Jasper was there?”

                “Yes of course. He`s part of the family.” The fact that I nearly said “our family” made my chest tighten, but I hoped Sam couldn’t hear it in my voice.

                “Wait.” His face took on a far-off expression. “You went to him. On you own.”

                “Yes.”

                “You thought he would kill you?”

                “He nearly did. He bit me- and if Carlisle hadn’t known the venom could be sucked out… - and he broke my leg and most of my ribs.”

                A growling sound rose from Sam`s chest. “You need to be more careful with yourself.”

                I gestured to my bleeding head, hoping to make him laugh at the irony of the statement. He did not.

                I decided the best thing to do was to change the direction of the conversation. “So, how do you know so much about all of this?”

                “The old legends.” His answer was quick. Rehearsed. Maybe it was the pounding in my head, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was hiding something from me.

                “That`s how I figured it out too.”

                “He didn’t tell you?”

                “No, I guessed.”

                His hands tightened even more, his knuckles going white. “Smart girl.”

                He said no more as we pulled into the hospital parking lot. When he opened my door, I caught only the briefest glimpse of his face before he pulled me back into his arms. I knew that a sane person would be focused on the matter at hand, but all I could think about was what he was hiding. There had been fear in his eyes. Fear of what?


	11. The Meadow

                I had a concussion, but a mild one. After a few nights of taking Tylenol before bed I barely noticed it. Charlie kept nagging me about it but at this point I wasn’t worried about it at all. I was ready to get back on my bike.

                I called Jacob first thing the following Friday. Usually we got ready for school at the same time, so we settled afternoon plans in the morning.

                “Hello?” Billy`s voice came across the line, sounding strained.

                I laughed. “Morning Billy, did Jake sleep through his alarm again?”

                “Er, no. He`s not feeling well. He`s going to miss school today. I`ll have him call once he`s feeling better. Alright, Bella?”

                “Alright, thanks.”

                I waited until Wednesday before I called again. No answer. By Saturday I was worried, I wanted desperately to go down to La Push to check on Jacob. I called Leah to see if she had heard anything, but she hadn’t either. It made me nervous. Charlie insisted, something he rarely did, that I give it another week before I started “harassing Billy” as he put it.

                Finally, my week passed. I called again, and went unanswered, again. I gripped a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen table. I attempted to take calm sips. Instead I ended up with my head in my hands, weeping. It was unbearable.

                I knew I was being dramatic, really, but I couldn’t help but feel abandoned. I still woke in the night from dreams about Edward, only now they were often the “Edward” I had seen before my motorcycle crash. It was too much to handle losing him and losing Jacob.

                I needed to do something. To find one of them. It was obvious Jake didn’t want to talk to me, or he would have. Something inside of me wanted, needed Edward. The less his name made my chest ache the more afraid I was that I was losing him. That I would forget him. I pulled on a pair of hiking boots, which had been a Christmas gift from Charlie left to rot in the back of my closet and tied a flannel shirt around my waist. If there was anywhere in the world where I could remember Edward I knew where it would be.

                I parked my truck at the end of the trail the same way that I did the first time we went together. I triple checked that I had my cell phone, a bottle of water, a flashlight, pepper spray, and a book in my backpack. When I couldn`t stall any longer, I cut the engine. Peering into the trees I tried to remember which direction led to the meadow.

                I took a chance and ventured to my left. I hoped that I was right. I knew myself well enough to know that I would keep coming back until I found it, and I wasn’t sure how many days of wandering blindly in the forest my heart could take. It felt too much like when he had left me. Once again, I was alone, chasing a trail I couldn’t find, because I needed to see him again. A nagging feeling in the back of my mind told me that Sam would be upset about what I was doing. I silenced it as quickly as I could and went back to trying not to trip. After what I guessed was a little more than a mile, I saw the trees start to clear out. I felt like crying from relief when I stepped out into the sunlight.

                It was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. There were no flowers blooming today, but the grass had overtaken the last frost and the whole meadow was vibrant green. I was sure that if I was patient, I could imagine him here. The things that he had said, the way that he had looked. Everything was going to be alright.

                I moved to the center of the meadow and sat down. Opening my backpack, I took a sip of my water and found my copy of _Wuthering Heights_ , which he had often teased me for re-reading so frequently. After a few minutes a grew frustrated that I hadn’t remembered anything. I had only fragments of our time spent here together. No matter how precious, they weren’t enough. He was no more alive here than in his house. I stood up, throwing my bag over my shoulder, trying to hold back the tears threatening to flood my cheeks.

                I caught sight of movement in the trees, and my heart stopped when I watched a brilliantly shining man step into view. It lasted only an instant, before I realized it was neither a hallucination nor the man I was looking for.

                He was suddenly standing a mere foot from me, reaching to touch a piece of my hair.

                “Laurent.”

                “You remember. How kind.”

                “Yes. Of course.”

                Then he was there. Standing just past Laurent, copper hair shining in the sun. My beautiful Edward. He was whole this time, not like last time, and it was all I could do not to gape open-mouthed.

                “How are the Cullens?”

                “Bella, lie.” His eyes stared deep into me. They were hollow, a reminder that he wasn’t here and I was insane.

                “Very well. I`ll be sure to tell them you dropped by.”

                “I went to the house. It was empty.” There was a predatory glint in his eyes.

                “They`re out of town. Edward wanted me to go, but I couldn’t miss school.”

                He stepped closer, raising a brow. He knew I was bluffing. “Is that so?”

                “Yes. Although, maybe I had better not tell Edward you were here. You know how protective he gets.” I shrugged, trying to seem casual “I mean, you remember what happened to James.”

                “Certainly. So does Victoria.”

                Her name sent a shiver up my spine. “Is she here too?”

                “She will be soon. She`s been wanting to find you, because of James.” I knew he could hear my pulse speed up in terror. “How lucky for you that I got here first?”

                “Lucky?”

                “She`s going to torture you. I only want to kill you.” He raised my hand to his lips, mockingly kissing the scar on my wrist. “I will be quick.”

                I swallowed, looking at the mirage of the man I loved. He stared back, blank eyes eating away at me. Even in the face of death I couldn’t imagine him telling me he loved me. There was no advice he could give me now; it was the end.

                I closed my eyes, taking a final deep breath. I was determined not to scream. Laurent didn’t deserve to hear me make a single sound. He hesitated for a moment. I imagined him staring into my face, trying to enjoy my fragility and my fear. Then I heard an earsplitting growl. Laurent`s hand left my arm.

                My eyes flew open in terror. I watched as Laurent stared into the tree line, his eyes wide. Four giant wolves stalked into the clearing, each larger than the last. He turned and fled. The first three wolves raced behind him. The last wolf, the largest, hesitated near me. It made sense. I was the easy target and I was all his. His brown coat hid what I was sure was an extremely powerful frame. I hoped it would be quick. When he turned his head to look at me, I felt myself start to panic. Everything inside me told me to run, though I knew it was useless. When his eyes met mine they felt familiar, alive. Then he was gone, disappearing after the other wolves.

                I made it back to my truck as quickly as my legs would carry me. The fear seemed to make me steadier; I only tripped once. I was thankful for that. There was nothing to stop the wolves from coming back for me once Laurent got away from them- if he didn’t kill them. In which case, Laurent would come back for me. Either way, I needed to get away.

                As I threw myself into my truck and tore back onto the main road, I felt like I was going to vomit. She was after me. Victoria was coming. She was going to find me, easily, and when she did she would kill me. I just prayed that Charlie would be spared when she did.

                I tried to collect myself as much as I could when I walked into the house. Charlie`s cruiser was parked in the driveway, and the last thing I wanted was for him to know how anxious I was. As I walked in the door I stepped out of my boots, not wanting to track mud into the house. Charlie heard me come in.

                “Hey kiddo.”

                “Hi Dad.”

                He peered around the back of the couch at me. “How was your day?”

                “Good. I still haven’t heard from Jake, so I just did some light reading, outside.”

                “Sounds like fun. Leah called.”

                “Great, I`ll call her back in the morning.”

                He quirked a brow, “you headed to bed? It`s barely eight.”

                “Yeah, I know. I`m just really worn out.”

                “Well, alright. Night.”

                I hated lying to him. I wished I was the kind of teenager who could tell her parents everything, and I had been before I moved to Forks. I missed being a normal person with normal problems. When I got upstairs, I closed my door and threw my bra and jeans on the floor, crawling into bed.

                _I was walking into the meadow. Standing at the center was Edward. It really looked like him, not like in my hallucinations. He smiled and raised a hand in greeting. I moved towards him as quickly as I could and fell into his arms._

_“Oh Bella, my Bella. How I`ve missed you.”_

_I pressed my face into his shoulder. “I missed you too.”_

_When I looked up at him, he was different. Exactly like he had been the day I rode my motorcycle. The sight of the dead veins in his face threw my stomach into knots. I was going to throw up. He smiled down at me, his teeth glinting in a threatening way._

_He raised my scarred wrist to his mouth and in a voice that was not his own said, “I`ll make it quick.”_

_I was frozen, in shock and fear. I felt another pair of lips at my shoulder, but I couldn’t look back. A delicate feminine voice whispered in my ear, “Don`t you remember what you did to James?”_

_It was Victoria. I knew it. I would die here, in between this terrifying version of Edward and that evil woman._

_To my left I heard a growl. When I blinked Edward had vanished, and I sensed that Victoria was gone too. I turned to see the black wolf from the meadow. As I looked into his face, I recognized that his eyes were the eyes of Sam Uley. Faintly, I heard the echo of the story Jacob had told me on First Beach. “Did you know that Quileutes are supposed to be descended from wolves?”_

I jolted awake with a gasp. I knew, at the core of my being, that my dream was right. Sam was a werewolf.


	12. Legends

                I called Leah as soon as I woke up the next day, not caring that it was early. Under ordinary circumstances I would feel guilty for waking her up, but I knew I would get nothing done until I got her help.

                She groaned “Good morning.”

                “Morning. Sorry it`s so early, I just needed to talk to you.”

                “Something wrong? You sound worried?”

                She had picked up on the urgency in my tone. Shit. “Oh yeah, kinda. Have you heard from Jake?”

                “No.” her voice sounded softer, “I`m worried too. I don`t want to push too much…”

                “I might drop by there later, try to get him to talk to me.”

                “I hope it works. Call me after?”

                “I promise.”

                I was worried about Jake, but I felt guilty using him as an excuse to cover my panic. “Hey, Leah?”

                “Yeah?”

                “I have a paper on local history due on Monday and I haven’t started yet. You know a lot about the Quileute myths, right?”

                “Well yeah, my dad is on the council.”

                “Can I ask you some questions?”

                “Sure.”

                “Thank you! You`re a life-saver.”

                For the next fifteen minutes I drilled her on shape shifter myths, sandwiched in between other questions whose answers I barely listened to. I didn’t want her to be suspicious about why I was asking. When I thanked her again and hung up, I was more certain than ever before. I needed to talk to Sam. But first, I had to check on Jacob.

                The drive to La Push had been fast, too fast. It felt like wasn’t enough time to decide what to say. I was afraid, most of all, that he was just angry with me. I didn’t know what I could have done to upset him, but if I had it could cost be Jacob-and by extension Leah.

                He was waiting when I pulled into the driveway, no doubt called to by the sound of the engine. The look on his face did nothing to comfort my fears.

                “Bella. What are you doing here?” When he approached but made no move to hug me, or even smile, I felt myself sink.

                “I wanted to see if you were alright. Billy`s been screening my calls.”

                “I`m fine. Sorry you made the trip.”

                He didn’t look like Jacob, not the way that I remembered him. His long dark hair had been cut to his shoulders. If it was possible, he looked even larger than he had been before. Most noticeable was the way that the light had gone out of his face.

                 “So, you`re not sick?”

                “Not anymore.”

                “Why didn’t you call?” I felt my voice start to raise and angry tears prick at the corner of my eyes.

                He sighed. “I think you should go.”

                “What did I do?”

                “When were you going to tell me about Sam?”

                I gasped for breath. “What?”

                “I know everything. You`ve been lying to me for months.”

                “Sam is a good person.”

                “This isn’t about Sam!” His hands clenched into fists, “Just go.”

                I wanted to stay. I wanted to yell and to get him to listen to me. In spite of that something in his face told me I needed to go. I slammed the door to my truck as I got in and threw it in reverse without bothering to put my seatbelt on.

                I was barely out of the driveway before the tears started to spill over, blinding me. I parked my car in the first available spot I saw. It took me nearly fifteen minutes to calm myself down. Each time I thought the tears were stopping I thought about the way that he had looked at me- the hatred in his eyes – and they returned. It felt impossible that I was losing my closest friend.

                What finally brought me back was thinking of Victoria. She was coming, whether I liked it or not. Even if Laurent didn’t return to her, she would find me eventually. The fact that Jacob would be spared when she did find me brought me a sense of relief. If loneliness was the price I would be forced to pay to keep Jake and Leah- and Billy, Sue, Seth, Harry, and Quil- out of danger, I would pay it gladly.

                I knew I was in no condition to make the drive all the way back to Forks. It seemed a walk was in order. I slipped my keys in my pocket and walked down to the beach, thankful that I didn’t pass anyone I knew.

                It was windy today. My hair whipped into my eyes, along with sprays of mist. I had never experienced rain like it anywhere else, but sometimes here the rain came down as a thin fine veil of water that was barely visible from indoors. It didn’t matter to me whether it rained in this way or poured buckets, I was sure to slip in the mud either way. Charlie always tried to tell me that the way the light came through it was beautiful. I wanted to experience that, to feel the way that he did about ordinary parts of life, so I stared out towards the water hoping to find beauty. In an ideal world it would be enough to soothe the aching in my chest. It did not appear to be working.

                I had lost track of time and my shirt was soaked through when I felt a hand on my shoulder. When I turned my head, I saw him, and my heart gave a small lurch.

                “Bella, have you been crying?”

                I shook my head, even knowing it was an obvious lie. I was sure that my eyes were red and puffy. “I had an argument with a friend. It`s nothing.”

                “I`m sorry.” His eyes were full of sincerity.

                His eyes drew my thoughts back to my dream the night before, and the phone call with Leah this morning. “I need to talk to you.”

                “Alright.” His brows furrowed.

                “Alone.”

                He gestured to the empty beach.

                “Sam, I know.”

                His eyes narrowed slightly. “What do you know?”

                “Everything. Please don’t try to convince me I`m crazy, I can tell you from experience that it won`t work.”

                “Tell me what you think you know.”

                “I saw four shape-shifters in the meadow. I know what they- you- are. I know that the legends, all of them, are true.”

                He let out a long breath. “You know.”

                I nodded. Not sure what else to say. I hadn’t imagined he would admit it to me so quickly.

                “Listen to me. I am going to explain everything to you. I promise. Just, not right now. You`re in danger, you need to get home.”

                “Victoria? She`s here?”

                “Not quite. She`s near the Canadian border last we saw her. She`ll have to go through the Rez to get to Forks, and we won`t let that happen. We`re going to get her.”

                I grabbed his forearm before I could think about what I was doing. “Sam, you can`t. She could kill you.”

                He flashed me a smile, “we`re made to kill vampires. She won`t get the chance to lay a finger on me. I`m going to keep you safe.”

                He pulled me into a firm kiss, one of his hands cradling the back of my neck. Something in it was final. It felt like a promise. When we broke away his voice had fallen to a whisper, “you need to get home.”

                The ride home felt like a rollercoaster. My mind kept racing back and forth between that kiss and Victoria. Teenaged hormones and my inevitable death. Sam had promised to keep me safe, and I knew that he meant it. I was torn between feeling honored by that and wishing that I could face down the danger in his place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like the idea that all the boys have to cut their hair short, especially because it goes against the actual cultural values of their tribe, so I have decided that not all of them do. It`s a small detail but if you noticed or were curious that`s why.


	13. The Pack

                I woke up the next morning to the phone ringing. Charlie had just left for work and I had been relishing the fact that I had fifteen more minutes before I had to get up and get in the shower. I flew down the stairs, nearly tripping over a pair of shoes left on the last step and tore it off the hook.

                _“If this is a sales call I swear to god”_

                “Hello?” I answered through gritted teeth.

                “Bella?”

                “Jacob?”

                “I`m glad I caught you, I`m sorry it`s so early.”

                For an instant I wondered if I had dreamed our fight yesterday, if I could call it that. He didn’t sound angry at all. “What do you need?”

                “I need to talk to you. Can you come over after school?”

                “Yeah, sure.”

                “Thank god. Alright, bye.”

                He hung up before I had a chance to ask him what was going on, or why he had changed his mind so quickly.

                School was torture. I had no patience for Mike or Eric, could feel myself looking bored at Jess` stories, and barely focused when Angela asked about my weekend. I had grown apart from them while I was dating Edward and things had been strained when I rejoined the group, but I was usually good at faking my way through a conversation.

                When the final bell finally rang, I all but fled, casting a quick smile over my shoulder at Mike and Angela so they wouldn’t be offended. I felt like I needed to get to La Push as soon as physically possible. Easier said than done, considering I didn’t dare push my truck over forty miles an hour.

                Jacob was waiting when I parked, just as he had been yesterday. He pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. It was almost as if no time had passed.

                “I`m so sorry. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that yesterday.”

                “Hey, it`s alright. You`re not mad?”

                “I mean, I am a little.” He shrugged. “But I know why you didn’t tell me, and I know how things are for Sam. So, I just have to get used to it.”

                “You talked to Sam?” I felt panic rise in my chest. Had he confronted Sam after I had gone home last night?

                “Wait. I should probably start over. You told Sam that you know last night, about the pack. That`s why I`m allowed to talk to you.”

                “You know?”

                “I`m one of them. As of two weeks ago. Which is why I`ve had to avoid you. Too busy learning cool werewolf stuff.”

                “Aren`t you technically a shape shifter?”

                He laughed. “You`re taking this very well. Technically yes but it doesn’t sound as cool.”

                She rolled her eyes. Only Jacob would find his new and possibly perilous involvement with this secret world ‘cool.’ “So, you`re one of them?”

                “Yep.” He popped the p. “Sam forbid us to tell anyone, but since you guessed on your own everything`s fine. Besides, with the way he thinks about you I think he would’ve cracked eventually.”

                “Sam talked to you about me?” I felt a flush build in my cheeks.

                “Oops. Guess I didn’t explain that either. We have sort of a hive mind, when we`re phased. So, no, he hasn’t talked about you. But I`ve heard all his thoughts about you and relived a lot of his memories when they pop into his head.”

                My mouth dropped open. I would do anything to have that information. I wanted, more than anything, to know exactly what he was thinking. It was frustrating. For an instant I wondered if I understood how Edward had felt, but it made my stomach wind itself in knots and I pushed it away.

                “Jake you have to tell me. At least something.”

                “I can`t. He`d know if I did and he`d be seriously mad. You can come meet the guys if you want though?”

                “Seriously?”

                “For sure. Sam won`t mind. He should be back soon anyways. I`m sure you want to see him,” he wiggled a brow.

                “Oh my god Jake shut up!”

                He broke into a run and I chased after him. Occasionally he would glance back to stick his tongue out at me. We came to a halt outside a little red house, and I nearly slammed into him trying to stop.

                “I think that`s the longest you`ve ever run with tripping,” he teased, poking my stomach.

                “Anger brings clarity.”

                He rolled his eyes and held the door for me. “Guys, I`m back. I brought Bella.”

                “We could hear you.” I recognized Embry`s voice.

                “Super hearing? Neat.”

                “You are way too calm about this.” Jake shook his head in exasperation.

                “Oh please,” a boy sitting at the kitchen table smiled at me “she dated a vampire, we`re tame in comparison.”

                The boy beside him wrinkled his nose at the word vampire.

                “Bella this is Jared and Paul.” I gave a small wave in response as Jacob gestured towards them.

                The door opened behind us, and Jared flew out of his seat. A girl a little shorter than me with long dark hair was in his arms instantly.

                Paul laughed. “And this is Kim.”

                When Jared had peppered her face with kisses and set her back on her feet, she spun to face me. “So, you`re Bella?”

                “Yeah. Nice to meet you.” I reached out to shake her hand, but she pulled me into a hug instead.

                “Nice to meet you.”

                Jared smiled in my direction. “Kim can be a little touchy-feely, sorry.”

                She playfully swatted his arm.

                Paul arched a brow. “Yeah, Jared here just feels the need to make out with Kim all the time, but he doesn’t want to have to touch the rest of us.”

                Jake laughed and muttered “here we go again.”

                “Want to go outside Paul? I can get physical with you if you need me to man.”

                Paul just snorted.

                Kim looked at Jake and I in annoyance. “We have never made out in front of anyone. It is not our fault that he sees things in Jared`s head.”

                I laughed, “no of course not.”

                “Bella knows exactly how you feel.” Paul looked at me, making an exaggerated kissy face.

                “Don`t mind Paul,” Embry cut him off. “He`s just jealous that he`s all alone.”

                Paul rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that`s it. Because imprinting is the same as getting a girl to actually like you.”

                “Paul.” Embry shot him a warning look.

                “Imprinting?”

                They all glanced at one another, including Kim. She was the one to finally break the silence. “I`m going to tell her.”

                Embry winced “Sam isn`t going to like it.”

                “Well he isn’t in charge of me. So that sounds like a you problem.”

                Quil looked to Jake and then to Paul. “Man, he`s gonna kick your ass.”

                “He can try.”

                Jake laughed. “Ten bucks on Sam.”

                “Five on Paul.”

                “You guys” Embry sighed. “For the record, if this wasn’t totally rude and I had cash on me I`d be betting on Sam.”

                “Very supportive.” Paul looked at him with mock sadness and Embry feigned a punch at his shoulder.

                Kim looked at me, seemingly unbothered by the current discussion. “Sorry, they`re children. Anyways, imprinting is something unique to the wolves. We aren’t really sure why it happens. It`s sort of like…” she paused, scrunching up her lips, “well it`s like love at first sight.”

                “Oh.” I wasn`t entirely sure I understood.

                Jared sighed, wrapping one arm around her waist. “The first time I saw Kim it just, hit me. It was like nothing else in the world mattered.”

                “Whipped.”

                “Shut up Paul.” Jared growled at him.

                He raised his hands in mock innocence. “I`m just saying. It doesn’t always work out that way. Like Sam and Emily.”

                I felt my face go white. Embry kicked Paul under the table. “Sam and Emily?”

                “Yeah.” Jacob`s voice was quiet. “He imprinted on her last spring.”

                “They aren’t together though.” Embry chimed in, his face tense.

                “I see.”

                The boys all shared another conspiratorial look. Jared then spoke, “Sam is on his way.” Kim smiled weakly at me. I wasn’t the only one feeling silly that he had needed to speak only for our benefit.

                We stood in silence for a moment. The boys were, no doubt, continuing to listen to the sound of Sam`s footsteps leading up the drive. When I could hear them too I felt my heart pick up speeds. Paul shot me a smirk.


	14. The Whole Story

                Sam was more than I could have known to wish for. When he walked through the door he was windblown, his tan skin finely beaded with sweat, and an intensity gleaming in his brown eyes. When he looked at me my already rushing heart practically leapt into my throat.  His eyes lingered on mine for a moment before he turned to acknowledge the rest of the room.

                “Kim,” he sighed. “I wish you had let me discuss this with her without interference.”

                Then he turned to Paul and his soft expression twisted into a frown. “And you. You have to stop being such a dick all the time.”

                Paul laughed, “Oh please, you think I`m hilarious.”

                Jake laughed at that, shooting a knowing look at Embry, “Sam can`t admit to liking fun now that he`s in charge. It`s a rule or something.”

                _“Sam is in charge?”_ He was the oldest, so that sort of made sense. It just never occurred to me before now.

                Jared snorted.

                Sam let out an exasperated groan and turned back to me. “Would you like to go for a walk?”

                “Yes, please.”

                He gave the boys another look over his shoulder before putting a hand on my waist and guiding me out of the house. We both stayed silent until we had reached the edge of the beach. Sam seemed to be deep in thought, whereas I didn’t want to start until we were out of earshot.

                “So?” He rubbed circles on my back with his thumb. “I`m sure you have questions?”

                “Well apparently you aren’t running a cult, so there goes one.”

                He laughed at that, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

                “Were you ever going to tell me about Emily?”

                “Eventually. It was part of what I had intended to explain to you, before the guys couldn’t keep their mouths shut.”

                “and Kim.”

                “Yes, and Kim. I don`t begrudge her that though, there are very few people outside of the pack that she is allowed to share these things with.”

                “She seems nice. They all do.”

                “They are. Jared and Paul have been my friends since we were children. Jared is a very kind person, Paul is rough around the edges, but he means well. Of course, you already know Embry and Jake quite well.”

                “Yeah. Great group.”

                “Bella?”

                “Yes?”

                “You`re stalling.”

                I kicked at the sand, looking away from him. “Maybe a little.”

                “It was your question. Don`t you want the answer?”

                “I think I need it. Want might be the wrong word.”

                I wasn’t sure that I could bear it. I didn’t want to listen to him tell the story of how he met the girl he was inevitably meant to end up with. I would see in his eyes that he loved her, and it would break my heart. Which was unfair, because I still loved Edward. But he was never coming back, Emily was out there somewhere just waiting for- for what? – for him to go after her, for the timing to be right. He could never be mine, even as I began to acknowledge that I wanted him to be.

                “Why wouldn’t you want it?”

                I finally looked back to his face. His eyes looked sad. “Why did you kiss me if you`re in love with her?”

                “Oh. Bella…” He reached out to me, then thought better of it and dropped his hand back to his side. “I think I need to start this story over. The whole reason I wanted to be the one to tell you was to avoid this.”

                “Alright.”

                We sat down on the log where he had kissed me on New Year`s Eve. It made me sad that we were going to do this here, but it was better than sitting on damp sand.

                “I was in love with Leah. She was the first girl I loved, the first girl I kissed, and we were together a long time. You two are friends, I`m sure you know what a special person she is. When I phased I was alone, the first of us. If Billy Black hadn’t realized what had happened, I probably would have gone mad. I worried Leah and my mother half to death.”

                The idea of him suffering in that way made me shudder.

                “I avoided her for weeks. First because I didn’t know what was happening, then because I wasn’t allowed to tell her our secret. When I finally went back to see her, to talk to her, she had family visiting from the Makah reservation. That was when I met her cousin Emily. When I looked at her it was like the world stopped turning. She was everything to me in that instant.”

                “Oh.” I felt my stomach writhing in agony and clenched my hands into fists.

                “So, I left. I used a terrible excuse I`m sure- I can`t even remember it- but I couldn’t let Leah see me look at her. I knew I needed to break up with her. I loved her. I couldn’t let her stay with me when I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to give her all of me. It didn’t matter that I left so quickly. She still saw me. She was furious. She came to my house and told me exactly what she thought about me and she dumped me.”

                Without realizing it I placed a hand gently on his elbow. There was so much pain in his voice, that even fighting back tears, I felt compelled to comfort him.

                “I never saw Emily again. She has no idea.”

                “What?”

                “She had no reason to know. I didn’t care what I was feeling when I looked at her because it wasn’t real. It was like an illusion. I`ve seen Jared and Kim and I know that if I wanted to, I could have that kind of connection with her, that the imprint is meant to show us our perfect match. It just felt to me like it was stealing another part of my life from me. I wanted to be able to fall in love the natural way, the same way I had with Leah. Maybe, just maybe, if it had been anyone else, I would have given in to it. But Leah`s cousin? I would never do that to her. Even now.”

                “Sam, I`m so sorry.”

                He looked into my eyes, wiping a tear I hadn’t realized was falling from my cheek. “Why didn’t you want to know?”

                “I thought you wanted her.”

                “No. I want you.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead.

                “Even if I`m a magnet for danger?”

                “Especially then. Someone has to keep you safe.”

                Even with the warmth of his eyes it brought pain to my chest to hear him say it. It felt far too similar to something that had been said to me before.

                When I crawled into bed that night I was entirely overwhelmed. It seemed impossible that my life had changed again so quickly. It felt too much like last year, when I had been hunted by James. Now it was Victoria, and my group of protectors was different, but the way I feared for their safety and Charlie`s was very familiar. I fell asleep trying to convince myself that Sam was in bed too, and not stalking an impossibly strong predator in the woods. I hoped it was true.

                _The woods around me were dark. As I took a step forward, I could feel wet moss squelch under my feet. A clump of ferns brushed my calf. I knew that I was looking for something._

_“Where are you?”_

_My voice called as I continued my walk deeper into the forest. I had no control over my actions here. I stepped over a log, clipping my foot against it._

_“My love?”_

_My heart quickened in my chest. I heaved myself forward into a run. He was here. Finally my eyes found light as I came out of the shadow of the trees and into a clearing. It was a meadow, full of an impossible number of wildflowers. There in the center sat the man who had called to me._

_“Sam” my voice came out thin and breathy._

_He opened his arms and I leapt into them. He cupped my chin in one of his hands leaning close enough that our noses brushed._

_“I love you.” He whispered, closing the gap between us and kissing my lips._

I shot awake. I had dreamed of Sam in a way that I had only ever dreamed of Edward. My deepest unconscious desires had brought me this, reminding me that I couldn’t keep pretending not to feel the way that I did. What I didn’t understand was why he had appeared to me in Edward`s meadow. As I drifted back off to sleep, I became conscious of two things. Firstly, that I was falling in love with Sam. Secondly, that there was a gnawing fear inside me, waring me that I was using him to replace the void Edward had left in my life.


	15. One Last Time

                The next two weeks passed in a blur. As soon as I was let in on the secret, I found myself treated as one of the family- or the pack, as they so often said- at La Push. Sam`s house was the base of our operation. Kim and I met there after school to do homework. We usually finished quickly and spent the rest of the time cooking. It turned out Kim was handy in the kitchen and enjoyed it as much as I did. We channeled our anxieties about the boys into trying to keep them fed, and they all seemed delighted to try out our continual attempts at sharing and improving our recipes.

                They had been busy and exhausted. Victoria was growing bolder, often keeping them up all night trying to chase her away. The idea of them catching her and things actually coming to blows was too much to handle, so I did my best not to think about it. It was easier too keep my mind and my hands occupied by cooking, doing dishes, sweeping up, and tossing blankets over the guys when they fell asleep on the couch or sitting at the kitchen table.

                Sam had told me early on that I wasn’t expected to help, and I hadn’t known what to say. It was the only way I could think of to say thank you, and to keep myself from losing my mind, while they protected me. I had just shrugged in response on gone back to flipping pancakes.

                Today, when I nudged the door open, I found the house nearly empty. Kim was at the table with her knees up and a book balanced on them. Jared sat to her right with his head resting on her shoulder. They both smiled at me in greeting.

                I plopped into the chair on Kim`s left and dropped my backpack on the floor beside me. I pulled my math textbook out and dropped it on the table. While I was still digging for my calculator Kim nudged my foot.

                “If I help you with math will you help me with this?” She tapped the pages of her book, “all the antique prose really throws me off.”

                “Sounds perfect.” I had been doing fairly well in my math class, but Kim had a knack for it that I lacked. Having opposite skills in school had made us ideal study partners thus far.

                “Well, enjoy your math,” Jared offered doubtfully. “I need to run a patrol. Sam should be back soon, he`s off next.” He kissed Kim on the top of the head.

                She laughed. “It seems like Sam is always home in the afternoons now.”

                “He should be, the poor guy keeps running the overnights every night.”

                She wiggled a brow, “I don’t know, don’t you think it might be because you`re always here in the afternoons?”

                “I`m not sure. Anyways, I can`t flirt with Sam until I finish my homework.”

                My joke seemed to appease her. She smiled to herself as she turned towards my textbook. We were just finishing when the door opened. Sam, as Jared had predicted, lumbered in and dropped into the seat across from me.

                “You look tired.”

                He raised a brow at me, “thanks?”

                “Oh sorry. I just meant; do you want some coffee?”

                “Sure. Thank you.”

                “Kim?”

                “None for me thanks.”

                “This is exactly what I need before I go to work. Only caffeine can keep me awake while people ask me questions about camping equipment.”

                “When does your shift start?” Sam asked.

                “In about an hour. I probably need to leave her in thirty minutes or so.”

                “Alright. I can drive you.”

                I grabbed two mugs out of the cabinet, watching the coffee start to drip. “No need, I have my truck here. And you need a nap.”

                “Then we`ll take your truck.”

                I handed him one of the mugs and he nodded in thanks. “I don`t want either of you leaving to reservation without one of us, for the time being.”

                “Oh.” Fear coiled tightly in the pit of my stomach. “So, she`s close?”

                “She`s been on top of us all day. I just want to be as careful as possible.”

                “Promise you`ll get some sleep before you go back out?”

                He snorted. “I`m not that delicate.” He saw the look on my face and smiled “Alright, I promise.”

                I couldn’t think about this before I went to work, or I would have a breakdown. I went back into the kitchen, alternating between cleaning dishes left from breakfast and taking sips of my coffee. By the time I was finished it was time for us to go.

                The ride to Newton`s was quick, faster than I would have liked. When Sam pulled in, I still had fifteen minutes before my shift started.

                “Bella?”

                “Yes?”

                “You haven’t said a word to me since we got in your truck.”

                “Oh. I`m sorry.” I sighed. “I`m just worried.”

                “We aren’t going to let anything happen to you.”

                “No, I`m worried about you.”

                He didn’t seem to like that. “Why is that?”

                “Because someone needs to. It seems like all you do is worry about other people.”

                “I could say the same to you.” One of his hands snaked its way into my hair, he ran his fingers through it softly.

                “Alright, then we can trade. I`ll let you worry about me if you let me worry about you.”

                “Very diplomatic. I accept.” He offered me a mock-serious handshake. My hand felt dwarfed by his when I gave it to him.

                “I wish you would worry about yourself a little more.”

                “I know. I`m sorry.”

                He kissed my forehead. “Don`t be.”

                I couldn’t help but let my gaze flicker to his lips. He hadn’t kissed me in days. We were far too occupied with other things, dangerous things, to be slipping off to kiss. I knew that. It didn’t make me stop missing it though.

                “I should get to work.”

                He nodded. “I`m planning to send someone to meet you. If there isn’t someone waiting when you get out then I need you to go straight back to the house, alright?”

                “Alright.”

                “Good.” As we got out of the truck, he caught my waist. He leaned down and pressed a firm kiss to my lips. _“Shit. He saw me looking…”_ “Be safe.”

                “You too.”

                To my great relief Mike had not seen us kiss. He was very wrapped up in his own world, trying to plan an appropriate date to celebrate his first anniversary with Jess. Eager for a distraction I volunteered to lend a feminine opinion. I listened as attentively as I could force myself to, it was a better alternative than all the other places my head wanted to go. When we had talked for nearly two hours and hadn’t seen a single customer Mike suggested I go home.

                Climbing into my truck, I hoped that I would run into one of the guys in time for them to let my intended escort know I had left early. I allowed musings on what they would do if I was gone when they arrived occupy me until I was back at Sam`s.

                The house was entirely still. I had never seen it like this. Our mugs sat empty in the sink, Kim had left a novel on the counter, and there was a blanket slung over the back of the couch. It was eerie to me, since this place was nearly always full of life. Bile rose in the back of my throat as I recalled wandering through the abandoned Cullen house.

                I switched on the light and moved into the kitchen. I could distract myself by cooking, as I usually did. They would definitely be hungry when they made it back. Especially since Quil had joined the group it seemed like it was impossible to keep them full.

                A note on the fridge caught my eye. In Sam`s handwriting it read, “We have her. Do not leave the reservation.” I suddenly needed a distraction much stronger than what making lasagna provided.

                I gave Charlie a quick call, telling him I would be staying the night at Kim`s. It was a Friday, so he had no objections. He had been just shy of giddy for the past several weeks at the amount of time I had spent in La Push. Under different circumstances I would feel similarly. Once they were all safe, and I had repaired my friendship with Leah, I would be delighted.

                I left the house quickly, leaving my keys and my backpack at the table, and headed for the beach. I wanted- needed- to find something to keep my mind off of things. Ever since my dream about the meadow I had been conflicted about things with Sam. I felt the desire to pick over every single detail of my relationship with Edward and my feelings for them both. I wanted to be certain that I wanted him for him, and not as a replacement.

                I knew it needed to be done. Sam had expectations and I had to know what I wanted before all of this was settled, or I risked hurting him. Still, the idea of putting it off as long as possible appealed. Walking along the beach my eyes were drawn up towards the cliffs, where Leah and I had watched Sam jump on that afternoon- it seemed so long ago. Without realizing it I started to form an idea.

                I could find a solution instead of a distraction. If my hallucinations worked the way that I thought they did, then all I needed was an adrenaline rush. If I could see him again, just one more time, then I would be certain. If I still loved Edward, and not Sam, then I would feel it when I saw him. The shiver that ran up my spine at the height of the cliff ensured me that this would be the most vivid one yet.

                I easily found the trail and followed it, past the spot where Sam had kissed me for the first time, and up onto the cliffs. I vaguely recalled Jake and Quil telling me that there was another spot further down that they liked to jump from. I didn’t encounter a trail or a ledge on my way up and doubted I would if I doubled back. Besides, I needed to jump before I lost my nerve.

                I kicked off my jacket and my shoes, leaving them at the largest tree near the cliff. I assumed I would come back for them after I dove, although the hike back up barefoot would be miserable. It was my own fault for acting so impulsively.

                Stepping towards the edge of the cliff made my stomach roll. I had never considered myself to be afraid of heights, but I was certainly afraid now. I blew out a few deep breaths of air in an attempt to steady myself.

                “Bella,” his voice was tender and pleading in my ear, “don`t do this.”

                “I have to see you.” I whispered back.

                Then I leapt. I was alone as I sped through the air, but it passed in an instant. The water was dark, choppy, and frigidly cold. I struggled to find the surface. My head emerged once, then twice, but only for short bursts.

                The strange thing about drowning is how peaceful it feels. Not initially, at first it feels like an inescapable state of panic. You thrash and twist until you use up all the oxygen in your body. Then the desire to relax, and the possibility of gentle darkness is offered to you.

                I embraced the darkness. I was pulled down into its sweet oblivion, and there he was. I had heard it said that people often see their lives flash before their eyes. What I saw was not my life as I had known it, that was clear on first glance.

_Edward was gripping my left hand, on which gleamed a diamond engagement ring. “I love you” he said, pressing a kiss to my hand._

_I blinked and we were exiting a church, rice flying around our heads. I didn’t look down, but I knew implicitly that I was wearing the dress I had discovered at the house._

_The next image was us flying through the trees together. It was happening at vampire speed. Finally, I was his equal, his perfect match._

_Then we were in our meadow, shining together. He pressed a kiss to my glittering shoulder. When I laughed it sounded as light and airy as Esme`s voice had._

_We were unpacking moving boxes. I heard the family moving around us, and the sound of their laughter. The house was different. They had moved on, but I was with them._

                In each image he was perfect. Exactly the way that I had remembered him in my dream. His eyes were the color of butterscotch and overflowed with love. His crooked smile was always trained on me. Playing out before me eyes was the life that I had always begged him for. So, I was surprised when I felt myself start to reach out, seeking the light.


	16. Out of the Water

                The next thing I knew I was gasping for breath. When I opened my mouth, I felt water gurgle out of it and strong hands rolled me onto my side. I coughed and choked for what felt like an eternity, before air entered my lungs again. I flopped back onto my back.

                The light burned when I opened my eyes. Sam was crouched over me, his face etched with fear and worry.

                “I need to get you back to the house.”

                I nodded, feeling foolish. When he scooped me into his arms I didn’t resist. I was freezing and the heat radiating off his chest was comforting. I tried to review things as quickly as possible. My hallucination had been intense, but my response to it had frightened me. I had wanted to leave it. After all of the time I had spent with Edward and how certain I was that I wanted a life with him I hadn’t been able to lose myself in it.

                _“It`s really over…”_

                “Sam?” My voice sounded strange and weak.

                “Yes?”

                “Thank you.”

                We reached the house before he answered. He nudged the door open and carried me inside, sitting me upright in the kitchen. He looked me quickly up and down. “What happened?”

                In that moment I couldn’t lie to him. “I jumped.”

                “You what?” He raised his voice slightly, something he had never done when speaking to me before.

                “I wasn’t thinking clearly. I just needed a distraction, so I went cliff diving.”

                His nostrils flared. “Swear to me that you weren’t trying to kill yourself.”

                “I swear.”

                He turned away from me, searching for something in the fridge.

                “You`re angry with me.”

                He pushed a bottle of water into my hands. “No.” He huffed. “Maybe. I just can`t believe that you did this. Do you have any idea what kind of danger you put yourself in?”

                “You jump from there.”

                “Not alone, not when the current is that strong, not before I phased, not when there`s a vampire hunting me.”

                I felt tears start to swell in my eyes. “I`m sorry.”

                “God, I`m not trying to get you to apologize. I just don`t know what to do here. Do you have any idea how much you scared me?” His voice shook slightly, “I thought you were dead. I had come back to find you and the house was empty when I got back, so of course I thought you were walking at the beach. Then I saw you jump. If I weren’t as strong as I am, I don’t know if I could have even gotten to you with how strong the current was… I was afraid I wouldn’t get to you in time.”

                I leaned forward, resting my head against his chest. I felt him shaking as he held back tears, and it sent me over the edge. I started sobbing, leaving trails off tears down his chest.

                “Don`t cry, please.” He pulled me closer, stroking my hair. “I didn`t mean to raise my voice. I was just scared. I love you Bella, don`t cry.”

                That made me cry harder. “I`m sorry Sam, I`m so sorry.”

                I felt tears fall on the top of my head. We stood like that for a few minutes before either of us could breathe again. We finally stepped apart when we heard the door open. Jake and Embry strode in, looking worse for the wear.

                “Sam!” Jake looked frantic, “where is she?”

                “She`ll be here soon. Jared is with her.”

                I looked between them. “Who?”

                “Leah.” Embry seemed to be the only one capable of answering.

                “She and Seth phased today.” Sam explained.

                “Leah? I didn’t think that was possible.”

                “We didn’t either.” His jaw was tight.

                “There`s a lot to attend to.” He looked to Embry, “I need you to go to the hospital.”

                Embry nodded and dashed out the door.

                “The hospital?”

                “They phased in front of Harry. He had a heart attack.”

                I felt sick to my stomach. There were real problems happening, and I had been jumping off cliffs and forcing Sam to focus on me and not everything else going on.

                “Jake-”

                “I`m not going anywhere,” he jutted his chin defiantly. “I have to be here to see Leah.”

                “Alright. I`ll send Jared when he gets back.”

                The three of us stood in painful silence, waiting. I was distraught, Jacob was worried, and I imagined Sam was under too much stress for me to fully comprehend. I knew he was proud of his leadership skills but at this moment I wished he had been able to live a totally ordinary life, even if it meant that Victoria would have killed me by now.

                When the door open Jake was there in an instant. Leah tore in, looking half crazed. Her hair was tangled with leaves and she was wearing a flannel shirt that looked much too large for her over her usual shorts. She only took a step in the door before Jake wrapped her up in his arms, lifting her effortlessly off the floor.

                “I`m so sorry I couldn’t tell you everything sooner. Are you alright?”

                “I`m fine.” She murmured into his neck.

                When he set her back on her feet, she made a beeline towards where Sam and I stood. She looked to Sam first. “Thank you. Everything that happened, it wasn’t your fault. I appreciate the way that you handled it all, and I`m sorry I was so hard on you.”

                He gave her a half smile. “Even so, I`m sorry.”

                Then she pulled me into a hug. I`m sure we looked atrocious, me damp and her muddy. It didn’t matter.

                “Leah, I missed you.”

                “I missed you too.”

                “I`m so sorry about your dad.”

                She stepped back, frowning. “I need to get to the hospital.”

                “You need a shower first.” Jake snapped into protective boyfriend mode. “I`ll stay with you while you get cleaned up and then drive you there.”

                Jared and Seth stood in the doorway, unsure what to do in the midst off all the hugging. I crossed the room to Seth, who looked just as frazzled as his sister. I hadn’t seen him in a while, but I had known him since he was born. It felt entirely natural to fold him into my arms. He leaned into my shoulder with a sad sigh.

                “Everything is going to be alright. You get cleaned up too, then ride to the hospital with Jake and Leah.” I looked at them out of the corner of my eye and Jake nodded.

                I stroked his hair for a moment. When he stepped back to stand with Leah, she wrapped a protective arm around his shoulders. Poor boy, he was too young to have to suffer like this. Then again, there wasn’t a person in this room over twenty. We were all so young.

                “Jared, where`s Paul?”

                “Licking his wounds, I think.”

                Our heads all jerked towards him at that.

                “He was hurt?” I was terrified.

                “Only a little. The redhead got a decent kick in, he won`t phase back until it heals. It was worth it though.” He looked to Sam. “He got her.”

                “It`s over. Thank god.” Sam was the first to speak.

                “Alright then Jared, go check on Paul. When he`s up to it come back here and get some sleep. I need you two up first thing tomorrow, it`s all hands on deck this week to teach Leah and Seth and help out Sue at the hospital.”

                Jared was gone without another word. I just hoped Paul would heal quickly, even by werewolf standards.

                “Bella, I think I should take you home. You`re in no state to drive.”

                Jake looked at me, as if for the first time tonight, “what happened to you?” I couldn’t blame him he had been very occupied with Leah.

                I just shook my head. “Long story.”

                The ride gave me time to process, which I was grateful for. My feelings about Sam, my joy at Victoria`s death- morbid as that sounded, my reunion with Leah, my worry for Harry.

                “I don’t want my dad to know about what happened.”

                “That`s up to you. He isn’t going to be home, so you can hide it if you prefer. He`s spending the night at the hospital with Sue and Harry.”

                “I hope Harry will be alright.”

                “Me too.”

                We sat in silence for a little while before I spoke again. “You love me?”

                “Yes.” When I didn`t answer right away he went on. “Don`t say it back if you aren’t ready, please. I just wanted you to know.”

                “Thank you.” I wanted to tell him that I felt it too but wasn’t exactly sure how to say it out loud, but we were turning onto my street.

                He froze. “There`s a vampire here.”

                I felt a rush of terror. Victoria was gone, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have brought friends. The I saw a black Mercedes parked across the street.

                “It`s Carlisle.”


	17. Alice

“It`s Carlisle.”

                “Are you sure?”

                “Yes, that`s his car. I have to see him.”

                I pushed away imaginings that it was anyone else, or that Esme had joined him. Carlisle was enough, he was more than I had expected. I was going to hold myself together long enough to enjoy seeing him, he didn’t need to see me cry.

                “Let me come with you. Just to be sure.”              

                “Alright.”

                I felt him hovering protectively behind me as a walked towards the door. He was practically radiating tension. I knew that he was afraid for me. It was gratifying, soothing even, to know that he really did care for me that much. It was hard to focus on that when I was unlocking the door, imagining all the reasons Carlisle might have come or what he was planning to say to me.

                “Hello?” My voice echoed in the dark, and seemingly empty, house.

                Sam placed a tense hand on my shoulder.

                When I blinked there was someone standing in front of me in the hall. The first thing I processed was the impossible speed and brilliantly white skin. Then, where I had been expecting golden hair and a comforting smile, I noticed was a look of deep concern and short dark hair. Not Carlisle, Alice. Alice had changed her mind, after leaving without so much as a goodbye, she had come back to me.

                “Alice!” I leapt forward, breaking Sam`s hold on me, and was wrapping my arms around her in an instant. “Oh, Alice.”

                She placed a cool hand on my back. After a moment she gripped my shoulders and pushed me gently away. “I thought you were dead.” Her eyes seemed to peer into my soul.

                Sam stepped closer. “She might have been, with the way you left her here.”

                She winced. “I understand that Bella can be quite careless, but she did not need us to protect her from that.”

                “Alice, I think he means Victoria.”

                If she could have collapsed in shock, I think she would have. “Victoria was here?” I nodded. “I didn’t see her. I`ve barely seen you until this morning.”

                “What did you see?”

                “You jumped off a cliff.”

                Sam was looking at us in confusion. “She sees things?”

                “I`ll explain later, I promise.” When he nodded, I turned back to Alice. “Sam pulled me out.”

                “You jumped off a cliff.”

                “I was cliff diving. Recreationally.”

                Her eyes were sad, sadder than I had ever seen them. I suddenly recalled the story of how Esme had been changed. Carlisle had found her after she attempted suicide by jumping from a cliff. I knew exactly why Alice had come to the conclusion she did.

                “I`m so sorry.”

                “I`m just glad that you`re alright.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I do worry about the gaps in my vision. I haven’t seen you in weeks, and I didn’t see you come out of the water. Something is blocking me.”

                Sam stepped closer once again, tucking an arm around me. “Now that you know she`s safe. Could you tell me what your plans are in the area?”

                She squinted at him for a moment. “You`re Sam Uley.”

                “Yes?”

                “It`s you. The gaps in my vision. I can`t see the shape-shifters.” She scuffed the floor with one foot. “Damn it.”

                He raised a brow.

                “Sorry, obviously it`s not your fault. I`m just frustrated. I won`t be able to keep tabs on things here if I`m right.” Then she seemed to recall that he had asked her a question. “I don`t plan to stay more than a few days. Just to check in with Bella and let the family know things are alright.”

                “You should take a shower,” Sam turned to me, his eyes tender. “Alice and I don`t mind waiting.” He looked to her and she nodded in agreement.

                “Alright. I`ll be right back.”

                They were silent until they thought I was out of earshot. Then Sam started to speak again. “I don`t think you have any idea at all what she`s been through.”

                I slipped into the bathroom but left the door cracked while I brushed my teeth and washed my face. Their voices carried up the stairs, allowing me to listen in.

                “I`m sure it wasn’t easy. Edward has been having a bad time of it too. We, the rest of the family that is, didn’t want to leave her. He just thought it was for the best that she move on.”

                “I was the one who found her after he left. She was almost three miles into the forest, alone, and could easily have been attacked by an animal or died of exposure. And she got worse before she got better. I doubt she realizes, but she had lost so much weight. It was like she forgot how to take care of herself. There was this blank look in her eyes when she talked to people sometimes, and I could feel her ribs when I hugged her.”

                “I had no idea. If I had seen…”

                “She is getting better. Now that Victoria is gone, I think it could be possible for her to rebuild her life.” His tone seemed to imply that Alice was having a negative impact on that, but she took no offense.

                “I need to make some phone calls.” I faintly heard the sound of the front door closing behind her.

                They had returned to hovering in my living room when I was finished in the shower. Sam looked uncomfortable, and Alice seemed fuzzy. I wondered if she was lost in thought, or if she was having a vision.

                “Alice, will you stay the night?”

                She smiled “of course. We have catching up to do.”

                “I`d like to stay, if you`d let me?” Sam still looked worried. “Since Charlie won`t be back tonight.”

                “Sure. Thank you.” I reached out to take his hand and he gave mine a comforting squeeze.

                Alice frowned. “Is everything alright with Charlie?”

                “Not exactly.” Her face fell. “A family friend had a heart attack today. He`s staying the night in the hospital to help his wife and kids.”

                “I`m so sorry.”

                Sam`s phone rang. He quickly answered. The call consisted of him nodding several times, presumably as the person on the other end spoke without pause, before saying “Yes, thank you.” And hanging up.

                He looked to me with tears pooling in his eyes. I knew before he spoke the words what had happened. “Harry is dead. They want to have the funeral tomorrow.”


	18. The Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is nearly twice as long as all the others. I have no idea how it happened! In my story outline it was basically a filler chapter, but then inspiration struck and it ran away from me. Hope you all like it

Alice lay in my bed beside me with her face tilted towards mine. I refused to allow myself to acknowledge how sad it made me to think that the last person to lay there was her brother. I was going to enjoy her company as much as possible.

                “How are they?”

                She smiled at that. “The family is doing well. They miss you too.”

                “Tell me about them?”

                “Carlisle found a new job at a small hospital, he`s been working on a research project that has something to do with neonatal care. Esme is thrilled because it gives her an excuse to drop by the hospital and coo at the babies.”

                It was easy to imagine them that way. Poor Esme, I wondered sometimes how happy she would be if she had gotten the chance to be human with Carlisle. They would have had a house full of children and a garden and kitchen teeming with life, no doubt. The small-town doctor and his beautiful wife- that was a thought that brought a smile to my face.

                “She loves the house they found. She`s been working on re-doing the interior but she wants to save all the historic brick on the exterior. And she`s started growing roses. Jasper loves the way it smells; he likes to sit in her garden while he reads. He`s spent a lot of time with Esme the past few weeks actually, I think she keeps him calm.”

                “How are Emmet and Rose?”

                “They`ve been doing some traveling. A honeymoon is what Emmet said, but I think Rose just needed some time away. The last time they called they were in Switzerland, and Emmet was dead set on getting her to go skiing.”

                It was easy to imagine them holed up in a little skiing lodge somewhere, whispering together in front of a crackling fire. If they were around others Emmet might buy them cups of hot cocoa, just to hold. He had liked to do that, do something extremely human as sort of a private joke. He once told me-loudly – that he had to leave easy to see the optometrist when we were at lunch, from the look in his eyes I had guessed he found the very idea hysterical. Rosalie would always roll her eyes, but we all knew that she found it funny.

                “What have you been up to?”

                She shrugged. “Keeping an eye on everyone, mostly. When I have a moment, I try to help out at the local museum. They`re doing an exhibit on a seamstress who was a close personal friend back in the day, so since my “grandmother” left so many of her old sketches and dresses in the attic I`ve been bringing things by and giving them information.”

                “That sounds like fun.”

                “It is! And every time they`re about to do something wrong I see it coming and can steer them back on course, which is quite convenient.”

                I waited, expectantly. She sighed.

                “He`s fine. He wouldn’t want me to tell you anything, but really, I don’t know enough to tell you anything anyways. He`s been in touch here and there, but mostly traveling.”

                “I see.”

                When I closed my eyes, I tried to think about what he might be doing. Maybe he was in Europe somewhere, sitting under a streetlight at a tiny café. He would have a glass of red wine, as a prop, and watch boats pass by on a little canal. The way the light would catch on his reddish-brown hair would make a passing woman flash him a smile. The image was so clear in my head it was as if I was sitting two tables away, watching him with a sigh. Unlike every other time I had thought of him this brought me comfort, not pain. I wanted to believe that he was somewhere else in the world feeling happy and fulfilled.

I was no good at grief. I think that the last several months made that abundantly clear. Harry`s funeral was scheduled for late afternoon and I was starting to panic. The only thing I could think as I awoke the next morning was how grateful I was that Alice had stayed. Without her careful hands I couldn’t imagine how I would have been ready in time.

                She nudged me towards the shower, where I cried my eyes out. I hoped I could pass it off as shampoo in my eyes when they were puffy. No need to set Sam off too. He had slept like the dead the night before, passing out on the couch before Alice and I had slipped upstairs, but now I could hear him pacing restlessly in my kitchen.

                Over the water I could hear Charlie come in. There was soft conversation, then a rap at the bathroom door.

                “Hey Bells, Sam Uley dropped in to give us a ride. I was actually just coming home to change, I told Billy I would get there early to help him hand out the programs. I asked Sam to wait and give you a lift. Is that alright?”

                Alice and Sam had apparently come up with a lie that was both quick and convincing. “That sounds good. That was nice of him.”

                “I`m going to ask him to give you a lift back after. Billy and I are going to help Sue clean up and start to get some other things in order.”

                “Thanks Dad.”

                “See you after.”

                “Alright.”

                When I was finished washing my hair, I stood under the water for longer than I should have, letting it run cold over my face.

                “Bella.” Her voice was kind but impatient. “I need you to come out now, you`ll be late.”

                She guided me to the bedroom. I felt like my feet were made of lead. It was like I was the one made of marble, not Alice, as she got me ready. I realized that it was the first time I was relieved by her tendency to dress me like a doll. She slipped nylons over my legs with care, helped me clasp my bra, and slipped a black dress over my head. It was tight and fell to my knees.

                “I`m sorry, I know it`s not what you`re usually comfortable in. I had to get something from the house, this was Rose`s.”

                I shot her a startled glance. “It fits me.” Rosalie and I were not at all the same size. This didn’t make any sense.

                “Well, you have lost weight.”

                Oh. Sam had been right, about what he said last night. I hadn`t been paying any attention to the way I looked, but if Rosalie`s clothes were fitting me now then I must have undergone some serious changes.

                She gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze. She worked quickly and carefully to untangle my hair and wind it up into a bun. Then she slipped a pair of black flats onto my feet.

                “Heels would match, but I don`t want you to trip.”

                “Thank you.”

                Charlie was already gone by the time I came down the stairs. I was relieved. He was like me in the sense that he was comforted by having something to occupy himself with. He and Billy would hold back their tears through the sheer amount of work they had volunteered for.

                Sam looked distinctly on edge. Alice clicked her tongue in approval as she descended the stairs behind me. “There. I told you it would fit.”

                He was wearing a suit. It was a little strange, I had gotten used to the boys running around in shorts or sweats with the occasional tee shirt.

                “Don`t bet against Alice.” My attempt at humor did not seem to relax him.

                “Thank you. I was able to see if it would fit before I brought anything back.”

                “Spooky.”

                I looked to Alice. “You got him a suit?”

                “He needed one, and he`s practically the same size as Emmet. It was easy to take in the waist a little.” She waved a hand, as if to say, “it was nothing at all.”

                “Ready to go?” The tension in his voice made my chest ache. I could only imagine how sad he was feeling, and how hard he was trying to hold it back.

                I crossed the living room to him, my head reeling as I tried to figure out what to say. I felt like I had to say something, the right thing, to comfort him. He loved me, he protected me, it was my turn to love and protect him right back. I ended up silently wrapping an arm around him.

                I looked over my shoulder at Alice, “are you going to stay?”

                “I`ll manage some things at the house today, but I don’t plan to leave town just yet. I`ll be sure to see you before I do.”

                “Thank you.”

                Sam and I moved together out into the driveway. He gestured to a black truck parked on the road with a slight smile. “Alice saw Charlie coming home so I called Paul and had him bring me my truck. I didn’t want to leave you.”

                “Thank you.”

                “He could have come inside. I want him to feel welcome, even if he is a pain in the ass.”

                He smiled faintly. “He wanted to be back in La Push as soon as possible. He and Jared had offered to help move tables and chairs for the service.”

                We drove in comfortable silence. Still weighed upon by my inability to find the right words, I rubbed gentle circles on his shoulder with my hand. When he- finally- parked in front of the small church he held my hand to his mouth and kissed it.

                We walked in together and sat in one of the few remaining seats near the back. Harry had been a well-respected member of his community and the church had filled fast. That brought me some amount of comfort, and I hoped it helped Sam too.

                If I strained, I could make out the rest of the pack nearer to the front of the church and close friends and family in the front row. Sue was flanked by her children. Seth was at her left. On his left was Billy, with a tight arm around him. At Sue`s right was Leah, leaning her head on her mother`s shoulder. Jacob sat to her right, followed by Charlie. Part of me felt like I should have gotten here earlier and sat in the front, where I could hold Leah`s hand and give Sue my condolences. Another part of me chided myself for having been around Harry so little once I returned to Forks, I couldn’t really count myself among his family.

                Harry had helped to raise me, in a way. He and Billy were ever-present in childhood memories of living here, or summer visits. Sue and my mom had even been decently good friends, apparently, though I had been too young to really remember that. I was pretty sure Harry and Sue were my godparents. They were also Jacob`s. I think I could faintly recall a conversation between Charlie and Billy about how they had decided Harry and Sue were the most stable of the three young couples, and that was why they made the best godparents. The man they would have trusted to watch over their children wouldn’t get to see his son grow up or walk his daughter down the aisle.

                _“I`m so selfish. Even when I started spending time with Leah I never once thought to drop by and say hi to Harry.”_

                I looked to Sam`s face. It was strained. I wished that I was huge, an amazon woman, so that I could fold him into my arms like a child and let him cry into my shoulder. That seemed to be exactly what he needed though I doubted very much that he would let himself cry in public.

                The service was agonizing. I had started to cry almost immediately, when Leah told a story about the way her dad used to decorate for Halloween and invite all the kids over. I remembered it so clearly. It seemed impossible that he was dead. When Seth talked about how his dad had always loved and supported him, the fact that he made it to ever silly school play and sports match, I finally heard Sam start to cry. He was biting his lip, trying to keep silent, but tears were streaming down his face. We held one another`s hands with a death grip for the rest of the service, in a vow of silent support.

                We regained our composure by the time people were starting to mill around and talk. We made a beeline for Sue, crushing her in hugs.

                She hugged back with force but couldn’t stop to talk just then. She seemed to be being passed endlessly around the room to receive hugs and kisses. If there was anyone who didn’t deserve to experience loss it was Sue.

                Charlie and Billy followed her like guard dogs, ready to catch her if she fell. As we passed them to make our way to Leah, I watched Charlie give her hand a squeeze. He tipped his head towards her and half-whispered. “Billy and I are here, whenever you need, but if anybody can manage two teenagers it`s you.”

                And then I was being hugged again, my breath knocked out of my lungs. Leah had gotten even stronger, if that was possible.

                “I`m so sorry. I`m here if you need anything at all.” I pressed a kiss to her cheek.

                “Thank you. Really. I`ll see you soon. I just need to go check on Seth.”

                She gave Sam a quick hug. “Thank you for coming.”

                “Of course.”

                Jacob followed in her wake, stopping only long enough to give me a sad smile.

                Sam sighed, whispering to me, “I don`t think he`s going to let her out of his sight for a while. He`s so worried about her it`s making him crazy.”

                Something in his voice sounded conflicted. “Does that make you sad?”

                “No. Not at all. I`m happy for her.”

                Charlie strode over to us. His eyes were red. “I`m going to be here late again. Billy and I are making dinner for Sue after. Don`t wait up for me kiddo.”

                “Are you cooking or is Billy?”

                He smiled, it was the first time I had seen that in days, “I`m making the meat, Billy is making everything else.”

                “Good. I love you, I`ll see you later.”

                “Love you too.”

                He gave me a quick hug. As he turned to go his eyes hovered for a moment at Sam`s hand on my waist. To my immense relief, he didn’t say anything.

                Suddenly a voice hissed in my right ear. “Emily is here.” When I turned my head, I saw Kim, who looked absolutely panic-stricken.

                Sam pretended he hadn’t heard her, though I was certain he had.

                “Are you two hungry? We could go, I can make dinner?” I looked to Kim, my expression pleading, “Jared and the rest of the guys are welcome.”

                _“I have to get out of here. I can`t see the way that he looks at her.”_

                “Sorry. The boys offered to load all the tables up and drive them back to the rental place once everyone clears out.”

                “I think I should take you home.”

                I nodded. I hoped he didn’t realize that I was running away.

                We had nearly reached the door when she appeared, “Sam. Sam Uley, is that you? It`s been so long.”

                “Emily. Hello, how are you?”

                She hugged him. “I`m alright. Sad about Uncle Harry of course, and poor Sue…” She frowned. “It`s good that you came. I know things had been strange between you and Leah for a little while, but I`m glad that didn’t stop you.”

                “Harry was important to me. I would have come no matter what.”

                I felt like I was going to fall to pieces right there in the doorway of the church. It was so much worse than I could ever have imagined. She was here, and she was nice, and she was beautiful. Her eyes were kind and warm, set in a delicate face with thick dark lashes and high arches cheekbones. Thin laugh lines around her plump lips suggested that she was the kind of woman who was always smiling and laughing. She was perfect. No wonder she was Sam`s magical soulmate.

                _“How could I ever compete with her?”_

                Sam surprised me by gripping my waist more firmly. “I want you to meet Bella Swan.”

                She turned to me with a brief smile. “Hi, I`m Emily Young.” And then she hugged me, despite the fact that I was a complete stranger. She was one of _those_ people.

                “You must be Chief Swan`s daughter.” I nodded. “I remember hearing stories about you, especially from when we were kids. You must be having a hard time.”

                “Not as bad as Leah. I just wish there was more I could do for her.” In spite of myself I liked her. I tried to convince myself that I wouldn’t be upset if Sam chose to be with her. He loved me, but how could he not love her?

                “Sorry.” He gave her a gentle smile. “It was nice to see you again, but I should really be getting Bella home.”

                She glanced to his hand on my waist and her smile returned. “Of course. Have a good night.”

                I couldn’t remember how to breathe as we walked towards Sam`s truck.


	19. Visions

                “Are you alright?” Sam watched me hesitantly buckle my seatbelt as we got in the truck.

                I was not. “Yes.”

                “You look pale.”

                I sighed, unsure what to say. A joke seemed inappropriate.

                “I think we should talk.”

                “Alright.”

                He started the engine. We sat there silently, with tangible tension hanging between us, for the short ride to his house. It was dark, which unsettled me. I liked it best when it was lit up with the windows open and the sounds of yelling or laughter spilled out across the yard.

                The door was unlocked, as it always was. There was not need for security measures for a house frequented by werewolves.

                “Please tell me what`s wrong.” Sam finally spoke as he pulled the door shut behind us and flicked on the kitchen light.

                “I don’t know how to put it into words.”

                “Try.”

                “I just don’t want you to feel trapped.”

                “What?”

                I felt guilty to be thinking about relationships- if this could be called one -immediately after a funeral. I was afraid he would agree, and finally decide I wasn’t worth his energy. “Emily. She`s beautiful.”

                “Is that what this is about.”

                I crossed my arms tightly. “I don’t know. It`s just that, I`m afraid to do the wrong thing. I want you to be with Emily if it would make you happy. I only get one chance to do things the right way.”

                “I don`t want to be with Emily.” He closed the gap between us, folding me into his arms. I felt the heat of his chest warm my cheek. “And you`re allowed to make mistakes. We`re young, you have plenty of chances to change your mind.”

                I felt tears start to drip down my cheek at that. It was starting to wash over me, the funeral, and everything, that death was going to be a part of my life. I had assumed, before, that Edward would eventually give into my desires. Then I had been too focused on getting through things to think about the future. Here, now, I felt as if my future was tiny and fragile and I was going to destroy it.

                “Are you sure? You`re supposed to be with her, isn’t that what the imprint means?”

                “I don’t believe that. Not for a moment.” He ran a comforting hand over the back of my head. “I think love is meant to be a choice.”

                I tipped my head back, gazing up at him. I wanted, desperately, to tell him that I loved him. “I want to choose you.”

                “I love you.”

                To fill the void where my answer should have come, I rose onto my tiptoes and kissed him firmly on the lips. He wrapped his hands around my waist, drawing me nearer. It lasted only a moment, but it was warm and certain.

                “I should get you home.”

                “Yeah, probably.”

                My cell rang as we were getting in the car. It was Charlie. “Hey kiddo. I just wanted to let you know I won`t be home tonight. I don’t want you to worry. I`m crashing at Billy`s.”

                “Okay dad. I`ll see you tomorrow, love you.”

                “Love you too.”

                Sam looked grim behind the wheel; his eyes trained on the road. “So, will Alice stay with you again?”

                “Probably.”

                He grimaced. “She seems very nice, really, she just unsettles me. They all do.”

                “I understand.”

                “You`re so at ease with her. You don’t even flinch when she touches you, but she`s so cold. And doesn’t she smell strange to you?”

                “I`m used to her. We used to be good friends, almost sisters. No, I`ve never noticed a smell.”

                “I just don`t relish the idea of leaving you alone with her.”

                “I trust her.” The tension is his posture did not lessen. “If it would make you feel any better you can stay again. I`d rather have you get as much sleep as you can before the pack needs you than have you drive back to La Push tonight anyways.”

                “Alright.”

                Exactly as he had the night before, Sam hovered beside me as we went into the house. Alice was nowhere to be seen.

                “Are you hungry?”

                “Starving.”

                I made my way into the kitchen, Sam following in my wake. “I have leftover lasagna in the fridge, does that sound good?”

                “Sounds perfect.”

                I fixed two plates of the lasagna and popped them in the microwave. It was quick, which was ideal, because we fell upon them like we hadn’t eaten in days. It was entirely possible that I hadn’t, now that I thought about it. I couldn’t remember what I had eaten since my near-drowning experience.

                I was washing the dishes when Alice appeared in front of me. The look of stress and fear on her face was even more intense than Sam`s. It made my skin crawl.

                “Alice, what`s wrong?”

                “Edward.”

                The plate in my hand slipped, falling into the sink with a sharp clink. I watched Alice`s features shift, steeling myself for what was coming next. Her eyes were wide, staring straight through me. Her mouth was pressed into a hard line. She had never looked more fearsome to me than in this moment.

                She gasped, and her face came back to life. It was knit with worry. “He`s coming here.”

                “What?”

                Sam stood up from the kitchen table, letting out a heavy sigh. “Why?”

                Alice wrung her hands. “Rosalie told him I was coming. He decided to follow me. He wants to see you.”

                I felt the weight of both of their stares on me.

                “When?”

                “Soon. He`s been in Denali.”

                A shiver passed through me and I buckled forward, clutching my head with my hands.


	20. Edward

                It seemed like we sat for an eternity. I couldn’t bring myself to change out of my funeral dress or to finish the dishes. I just let Sam guide me to the couch. I lost track of time, staring into space, as they watched me with alarm.

                I was terrified of what he would say to me. I could imagine it going hundreds of different ways, but the fact that I had no control over it was making me crazy. I didn’t even know what I would say back. If he apologized for the way he left would I forgive him? If he told me he missed me would I say it back?

                _“What if he loves me?”_

                I tried to silence that thought. Why on earth would he have left me the way that he did if he had still loved me. I felt love, real love, pouring out of Sam`s worried eyes. I needed to focus on that, not on fantasy.

                A rap on the door. Something so simple, nothing at all unique about it, but it sent a shiver down my spine. I knew it was him with absolute certainty.

                Sam answered the door at lightning speed.

                “Hello, Sam. May I speak to Bella?” His voice was smooth and sweet, it made my chest ache.

                He hesitated for a moment. “You have to ask her.”

                Then the door swung shut and Sam stepped back into view. His handsome face looked so sad. It made me want to go to him, to hold his face in my hands. Edward was right behind him, his eyes finding me immediately. He stepped through the kitchen and approached the couch with a level of grace my imagination had never quite captured. He was flawless, even better than my very best delusion.

                “Bella.”

                The effect of his voice and his eyes and the way that my name sounded made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. “Edward.”

                “Could I have a moment alone with you.”

                Sam grimaced. Alice stared.

                “Yes.”

                I looked to them, quickly, with what I hoped would be a soothing look. Neither looked convinced.

                We moved out of the house and towards the woods. Our feet led us, in what I hoped was a moment of coincidence, to the same place where we had last spoken.

                “We`re out of earshot. We can speak freely.”

                I nodded dumbly. What would he ever hide from Alice, or I from Sam?

                “Bella, I`m so sorry.”

                I finally looked back to his face. His eyes were spilling over with pain and longing. If he had been able to cry, I imagined he would be. “You are?”

                “For all of it. Exceedingly sorry. I should never have left. I know what happened when I did, or some of it. I saw you in Sam`s head, lost in the woods. You could have died because of me, I`m so sorry.”

                Even looking into his beautiful face, the pain struck me at full force. “Why did you leave?”

                “I thought it would keep you safe.”

                “It didn’t.”

                “I know. You smell like werewolf… Only you could locate a pack of werewolves so quickly. Do you genuinely _like_ putting yourself in danger?”

                “Don’t talk about them like that.” I felt my jaw clench. “They kept me safe. Victoria came back for me and if they weren’t here, I would be dead.”

                He bristled visibly, letting out a low groan. “Victoria was here.”

                “And Laurent.”

                “I`m so sorry. I promise you`ll be safe now.”

                “I am safe. They`re dead.”

                He shook his head, stepping nearer to me. “How are you so brave? I think that`s the quality that most intrigues me about you. It`s as if you have no idea how fragile you are.”

                Something in his words stung. “Don’t say that.”

                “I don’t mean for it to sound unkind. You fascinate me.” His hand rose to brush my cheek. “You are so beautiful. My memory did you no justice.”

                It was strange how familiar his touch felt to me. I wasn’t sure what else to do but look at him, waiting for him to speak again.

                “You`re so thin.”

                I winced. “I didn’t do very well, at first.” _“At all.”_

                “I see.”

                Then the words came spilling out, because an eternity ago I had shared all my secrets with him, and in this place with his hand on my face it was easy to imagine that no time had passed. “I forgot how to live. I stopped talking to my friends at school, I got a C in math last semester, I stopped eating and everyone noticed but me, I had nightmares almost every night, and Charlie was so worried. My friends at La Push pulled me through it.”

                He gazed at me sadly. “It looks like you`ve gotten better.”

                “I jumped off a cliff yesterday.” There, the words I had been most afraid to speak spilled out. They seemed to fill the air between us.

                Edward recoiled in pain. Something inside of me told me I had to reassure him. “Sam pulled me out of the water. I wasn’t hurt.”

                His face tensed when I said Sam. “He`s in love with you.”

                “I know.”

                His thumb rubbed tender circles on my cheek. “I love you.”

                I frowned. Some part of me wanted, desperately, to believe him. “It`s been six months.”

                “But nothing has changed between us.” With pleading eyes, he tipped his face towards mine and leaned in for what would be our millionth kiss.

                In a way it was like kissing him for the first time, I was aware of every detail. His lips felt firm against mine, but his touch was tentative and uncertain. I felt my skin tingle in the way that it always did when he touched me, or when I caught sight of his crooked smile. I pressed into him, sighing as his hand moved to my hair. It felt like no time had passed.

                Then he pulled back, his fingers still in my hair, and I felt my chest throb. I was cold. Even this kiss, this beautiful and romantic kiss, could not heal the wounds of the last six months. Things could never go back to the way they had been before.

                “I`m sorry.” My voice sounded strange and flat to my ears.

                “So am I.” He ran his hand down face, tenderly caressing my nose and the edge of my lip, before withdrawing it. “For everything.”

                “I forgive you. I just…”

                “You love him?”

                “Yes.” The conviction in my response surprised me.

                His sad expression broke into a frail smile. “Good.”

                “You aren’t angry?”

                “I have no right to be. I left, however noble my intentions, and you fell in love again. Exactly as I hoped you would.” He closed his eyes. “It`s so easy to see you with him. He`s warm and kind, I have no doubts that he could make you happy. And his thoughts are so full of love.”

                When he opened his eyes again, he was waiting for me to speak. I fumbled, looking for the right words. “If you hadn’t left… I would still want this.” My hand waved at the empty air, trying to express the quickly fading possibility of our future together.

                “I know. I never wanted that for you, as much as I wanted it for me. So, I get my wish. Alice and I will go, and we won`t bother you again.”

                The way that made me lose my breath was startling. Even now, even as I gave him up, I couldn’t bear to watch him walk away from me. “Wait. Edward, wait.”

                Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes and I fought them off. “Do something for me?”

                “Anything.”

                “You need a life too.” The fantasy of him at a moonlit café came to mind. “I want you to try. Please. Travel, spend time with the family, be happy.”

                “I will.” He smiled. “It will take time, but I will.”

                “And,” I swallowed, “I have to see you again. Someday.”

                His eyes sparkled. It was impossible to think that his face, which I would remember always, would be lost to me after this moment. “Of course. Someday, I will see you again.”

                “Thank you.”

                “I must warn you; I will not lose you twice. If I come back to find you unhappy with Sam, I will fight for you. No matter how much time has passed.”

                As we moved back towards the house I wondered if the promise rang as empty in its futility to Edward as it had to me.


	21. Choosing

                It felt like my heart was breaking as I hugged Alice goodbye. Edward, already in the driver`s seat, gave a final wave. When she stepped out of my arms and into the car, my chest ached. I was going to miss them. It was all that I thought as I watched Carlisle`s car drive down my street, turning at the corner. It was dark and I lost sight of them quickly.

                Sam, poor sweet Sam, had been waiting patiently for me as I said tearful farewells. Alice had known as soon as I did what my future held, I`m sure. I wondered vaguely if she could still see snippets or if it had disappeared entirely. I would ask her in my next email, now that she had finally promised she would respond. But Sam, he had been left out of the loop of mind readers and clairvoyants and decision makers.

                When I got inside, he was hovering near the couch, looking as if he expected danger at any instant. He let out a sigh when I came in but didn’t sit. “You`re crying.”

                I turned to face him, feeling guilty that he had waited so long for an explanation as events unfolded before him. “Yes.” I shrugged. “I`m bad at goodbyes.”

                “He didn’t stay.”

                _“Oh.”_ My stomach dropped. He hadn’t guessed, hadn’t seen the obvious. “No. I didn’t want him to.”

                “You didn’t?”

                “No.”

                He stepped nearer now, tentatively. “But, when he left, you were so… I just assumed…”

                “No. I would have, if he had come back three or four months ago. But not anymore. Too much has changed.”

                “I see.”

                But he didn’t. He was still standing an arm`s length away and his face looked stiff. His gorgeous brown eyes looked far away. Was he thinking about Emily?

                “Then why are you crying?”

                “Because it`s finally over.” I crossed my arms over my chest, “Even if he`s been gone for six months, it didn’t feel final until today.”

                “You gave up the idea of a future with him, you didn’t ask him to stay. That`s a big thing to give up.” His gaze was full of empathy.

                “Yes. He was my first love. If things were different, I could have married him, become a part of his family… It would have happened.”

                He raised a brow at my last statement.

                “I went to the house. The day you found me in the woods, again, that`s where I had been. Alice had seen my future with him so clearly that she had it planned. There was a wedding dress with my name on the tag in her closet.”

                “So why give it up, why not ask him to stay?”

                “I think he already knew that I wouldn’t ask him to, even before we talked.”

                He frowned. “But he kissed you.”

                My fingers flew to my lips. “You knew? Did Alice-”

                “No, I can smell him on you. It kind of reeks.”

                I chewed at the inside of my mouth. “Yeah, he kissed me. I think he was trying to convince me to change my mind.”

                “But it didn’t work.”

                I laughed, but it sounded strange. “No. It was so different. I had never noticed, before, how cold he is. It just didn’t feel right. I think he could tell.”

                “So, you sent him away.”

                “Yes.” Why did it feel like we were dancing endlessly around what I really wanted to tell him and what he was really trying to ask?

                “Why?”

                I tasted my lip start to bleed as I continued to chew on it, my anxiety building by the second. “I don’t love him anymore. Or at least, not how I did. I guess this might sound weird, but I don’t ever think you can stop loving someone once you start, but you can stop being in love with them. Does that make any sense?”

                “Yes. Completely.”

                “Good.” It brought me great comfort to know that Sam understood me, that he would not be angry at me for missing Edward on the occasional sunny day. It gave me the courage to try to tell him what I was really thinking. “He said something to me, about you.”

                “Hm?”

                “He said that he thought you were in love with me, that he could tell because of your thoughts.” He grimaced. “Did I forget to mention that he reads minds? Sorry.”

                “And?”

                “Was he right?”

                “Yes.”

                “You`re in love with me?”

                “I told you. You`ve heard me say it before.” He chuckled.

                “Say it again?”

                “Bella Swan, you ridiculous creature, I am in love with you.” He finally touched me, taking both my hands in his. “What is this about?”

                “I love you too.” He froze, brows drawing together in thought. “I`m in love with you Sam. I`m choosing you.”

                Then he gave a whoop and swung me into his arms. I felt weightless as he lifted me into the air. When he leaned in for a kiss, I stopped him with one finger. “I thought I smelled like vampire?” I couldn’t suppress a giggle.

                “I don’t care.” Then he kissed me with more passion than I had known a single kiss could express.


	22. Family

                For the next few weeks my days spent in La Push felt like breathing fresh air, in spite of the strain we were all under. There was a sense of tranquility beginning to settle, brought on by the knowledge that Victoria was dead. With her, and the Cullens, gone the pack was fairly sure the transformations would stop. Patrols would continue- though on a smaller scale- but if things remained quite it would only be a few years before they could give up phasing and return to ordinary life.

                Sam`s house was full of activity. I had been making muffins all morning, with Seth`s help. He was cheerful today and it made me smile. So, I let him hover in the kitchen and laughed instead of scolding when he put whole pumpkin muffins in his mouth.

                “Hey!” Kim came flying in with an armful of books. She grabbed a muffin on her way to the table, where she spread out her homework.

                “Hi sweetheart.” Jared gave her a quick kiss before retuning to the game of Uno which had been growing more aggressive all afternoon.

                Paul, Quil, and Embry looked ready to punch him if he got another good card.

                “Hey Kim, how was your day?”

                “You have no idea.” She huffed. “You are beyond lucky to be a senior.”

                I laughed. It was the first time in a long time that someone had called me lucky and meant it. Hopefully my time as vampire bait was passed, and I could start to _feel_ lucky.

                Leah raced through the door, laughing, with Jacob hot on her heels. She grabbed a muffin and flung it at him.

                He caught it easily and took a bite. “Was that meant to be nice or were you trying to hit me in the head?”

                She stuck out her tongue as she settled on the couch.

                “Hey Leah.”

                “Hey.” She gave me a warm smile. “Where`s Sam?”

                Jake wiggled a brow as he sat down beside her, kissing the top of her head.

                Paul made a vomiting sound under his breath.

                “Out. He should be home soon.”

                “Did you two talk about his schedule over breakfast?” Embry teased.

                I could feel my face get hot. “You share a head with him, I`m sure you already know.”

                Seth looked at me, entirely missing the implication behind Embry`s words, “What?”

                Quil laughed. “Don`t worry about it, kid.”

                “Paul will tell me.”

                “Embry wants to know if they`ve fucked yet.” His response was quick and off-hand.

                Leah and Jake groaned, Jared and Embry laughed, and Seth looked mortified. I was approaching lobster shades of red.

                As if on cue, Sam swung the door open. He crossed the room with a speed and grace that I imagined I would always admire. Then he wrapped me up in his arms, lifting me off the floor. I felt the weight of a roomful of eyes on us but kissed him anyways. When he set me back on my feet, he kept one arm snugly around my waist.

                “Could you guys stop harassing my girlfriend?” I felt myself melt at the sound of his voice.

                “Ooo so it`s official then?” Jared`s tone was mocking but he smiled at me.

                “Oh please,” I rolled my eyes, “as if you didn’t already know.”

                Sam snorted, then turned back to me. “So, it looks like you`ve taken over my kitchen.”

                I shrugged. “It wouldn’t be so easy to conquer if you used it once in a while.”

                “I`ll make you pancakes tomorrow. With blueberries.”

                “Sounds amazing. Maybe I`ll take over the garden while you do that.”

                “What`s wrong with my garden?”

                I laughed. “There isn’t anything growing there! I`m going to get violets and maybe some herbs…”

                He silenced me with a kiss to my forehead. “Alright, so if you`ve laid claim to my kitchen and my garden,” I thought I heard Paul mumble “and his bed” but Sam ignored him and continued, “why not just take the whole house?”

                Before I could ask him what he was talking about, he produced a key from his pocket and dropped it into my hand. “This is for me?”

                “Yes.”

                “But the door is never locked.”

                “It`s symbolic.”

                “I love it.” I pressed up onto my tiptoes to kiss him lightly on the lips, then on his jaw.

                “I was wondering too, if you might want to move in after graduation. Even if you`re only here on breaks from college.”

                “My applications kind of got lost in the vampire-panic, so I was planning to stay in town and get my associates in Port Angeles at the community college. After that maybe Seattle.”

                “What happened to Hawaii?”

                “I`ve decided I want to stay local. I have a lot of family in the area.” I nodded at the room beyond us, filled with people we both loved. He smiled.

                “That is a wonderful coincidence, because I`m going to be spending a lot of time in Port Angeles myself. I`m finally getting to go to school, I got the go-ahead from the council this morning.”

                “Really?”

                “Yep. If I work hard, I can get my BS in two years, maybe three, and then go to med school.”

                I was suddenly fiercely proud of him. “You`re going to medical school? You`re going to be a doctor?” My hand lifted to cup his face of their own accord. “I am so proud of you, I love you.”

                Jacob whistled.

                It was funny how natural it seemed to have such a personal conversation with an audience. There was no reason to step outside or wait until later, because we had no secrets from the pack. Even if we could hide things from them, I doubted we would.

                “I love you.”

                “So, after that, are we commuting to Seattle then?”

                “We could. Or get an apartment for a few years. Then I`d want to be back here at the local hospital for my residency, if that was alright for us both.”

                He was factoring me into his future. In just that sentence he had reminded me that I had an entire life ahead of me, something to plan for, and told me he wanted to make it together. “I could get a job teaching English at the community college, or the High School. My mom is a teacher, it seems like she loves it. Maybe I could write novels during summer vacation…”

                “That sounds perfect.”

                The timer on the oven went off. I playfully swatted at his arm. “Get out of here, you`re going to make me burn these.”

                With a laugh he went to watch tv with Jake and Leah.

                I slipped my key into my pocket. As I pulled a pan of poppyseed muffins from the oven I allowed my mind to drift. It was so easy to imagine this house becoming the center of my life. There was an attic upstairs and with a little help we could easy open it up and put in two more bedrooms. I would paint them blue. The garden could be extended so we would always have fresh vegetables, and it would look beautiful and bright from the living room window. There was plenty of space on the far wall to put in a bookshelf and two desks, over which we could hang Sam`s MD and my PHD certificate.

                The wood floors were sturdy and easy to clean, they wouldn’t be warped or stained even as dogs and children brought in snow and mud. It was comforting to imagine two, maybe three, little ones spread out at the table doing homework or making macaroni art. They would grow up to be good friends with Kim and Jared and Leah and Jake`s children, I hoped. We could have giant Christmas celebrations and fishing trips with Charlie, Billy, and Sue. It was simple, and oh so sweet. After nearly two years of perpetual danger and magic, the possibility of normal small-town life seemed like a blessing.

                Even Paul`s scream of “Uno motherfuckers!” was not enough to yank me out of my daydream, as I wondered if Sam would think it was tacky to paint _“Dr and Dr Uley”_ on the mailbox.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Bella doesn't come across as too domestic. I just really like the idea that having a very simple lifestyle would appeal to her and Sam after all the crazy shit they`ve had to put up with.


	23. Charlie

                “Hey.” I plopped down at the table, across from my father. “I need to ask you something.”

                “What is it Bells?” He raised a brow at me, looking up from his newspaper.

                “Can I have someone over for dinner tonight?”

                “A boy?”

                Ugh. “Yeah.”

                “Who?”

                “Sam Uley.”

                He grunted. “So, is this an official ‘meet the boyfriend’ dinner?”

                “Yes, I guess so.”

                “About time.”

                He was right, of course, but I hated it. I wasn’t good at awkward, so I had put this off as long as possible. But it was a week after graduation, and I knew Charlie wouldn’t handle it well when I moved out if he hadn’t even “met” Sam yet.

                It was absolute torture waiting for the rest of the afternoon to pass. I prepped for dinner, made a salad, set the table, marinated chicken, and it was only two by the time I was finished. Laundry only ate up until three. By four I was going stir crazy. I forced myself to sit down and pretend to reread Pride and Prejudice but couldn’t get myself to absorb any of it. I was relieved when five rolled around and I could start to cook.

                I grilled chicken breasts, made baked potatoes, and left it in the oven to stay warm. By then it was approaching six and I expected Sam at any moment. Charlie was watching with glee as I squirmed and jumped with anxiety.

                When he finally knocked on the door, I raced to answer it, tripping over my feet as I did. Sam laughed good naturedly and grabbed my elbow, setting me back on my feet. Charlie smirked, making me very aware of how comfortably Sam`s hand rested on my waist as he followed me into the house.

                I got the food on the table as quickly as I could. The sooner dinner was over the sooner Sam and I could get to La Push for an evening alone. They sat across from each other, Sam at my right, both looking far more at ease than I felt.

                “So, you`re dating my daughter?” Charlie had never heard of starting with the easy questions.

                _“Stupid cop and his interrogation tactics.”_

                “Yes sir.” Sam moved forward to shake his hand, “sorry about not asking your permission before or anything, I just thought Bella would think it was very old fashioned of me.”

                He snorted. “She probably would. Just don’t forget to ask before you two get married.”

                The water I had been sipped was suddenly coming out of my nose as I choked. Had Charlie winked when he said that, or had I imagined it?

                “Yes, of course.” Sam kept looking at Charlie while rubbing soothing circles on my back.

                “Don`t act so surprised Bella. I`m up on the rez gossip.” He looked quite pleased with himself.

                “And what exactly is the rez gossip?”

                “Well for starters, somebody told me you two kissed on New Year`s Eve and that you`ve been dating since then.” I felt my cheeks grow hot. Whichever one of the guys had been running their mouth was going to get an earful. “And I know that you`ve been sleeping over.”

                Sam choked this time.

                “I`m a cop. Did you two think you were sneaky?” When we sat in silence, like scolded children, he continued. “I also heard that you two are moving in together.”

                “Is that alright?” I hoped my voice wasn’t shaking.

                Then he gave a booming laugh. “I would’ve said something before now if it wasn’t. I`ve known for months that you two were seeing each other.”

                “Geez.”

                Sam seemed amused, but I was mostly embarrassed.

                “I`ve known you a long time Sam, you`re a very nice young man. And you two are adults, you can do what you like. For the record you have my blessing and all that, but if you ever give me reason to I will kill you.”

                Sam gave him a firm nod. “I understand completely.”

                I leapt up from the table, calling behind me, “Who wants dessert?”


	24. Someday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't get the idea of how and when she would see Edward again out of my head, and it seemed like the best possible way to write the epilogue.. So here you go! A chapter I hadn`t realized I was going to write until an hour ago.

_15 years later_

                Charlie`s house had finally started to change when Sue moved in. She repainted the cabinets, convinced him to clean out the attic, and brought a sense of warmth back. Not that he hadn’t been lively in his own way, but the house had felt stagnant to me sometimes. Now it was always full of noise and movement, usually because of the grandkids tearing down the stairs or drawing at the little kitchen table.

                I moved through the house, double checking that all the windows were latched properly, and the plants had been watered. My old bedroom, now equipped with two bunk beds and an endless number of puzzles and board games, was a comforting sight. I could hear the thunderous stomping of feet on the floor below. It was summer, so I had agreed to watch all of the kids today. I loved them too much to mind, but it was amazing how much noise such small people could make.

                The doorbell rang. Watering can in hand, I stepped lightly down the stairs. I opened the front door, wondering if there was a neighbor here to complain about all the noise.

                Instead I questioned for an instant if I had been woken from a strange dream and was seventeen again. Standing on the front porch, looking like a model in his raincoat, was Edward Cullen.

                “Can I come in?” His voice was unchanged, which I should have anticipated, but it made my heart still in my chest.

                “Sure. Just a second.”

                He followed me into the house, hovering in the kitchen. I motioned for him to stay put and moved into the living room. “Kids, do you want to go play outside?”

                I was met with loud excitement, and quickly helped to get everyone into their boots and jackets. Luke, the oldest, was the first out the door. At seven he thought that he needed to be the first to do everything. His younger brother Will was right on his heels, he was five and seemed determined to copy everything his brother did. They were both so much like Sam, they had his dark hair and his smile. Harriet, Leah and Jacob`s daughter was six. She was content to run between the two of them and tease them as they competed. She was very like her mother. Her best friend in the entire world was Megan, Kim and Jared`s daughter, who raced out the door hand-in-hand with her.

                “Mommy.” Two tiny hands took hold of my jeans, demanding to be picked up. I scooped Charlotte into my arms. She was only two and had no fun chasing after the older kids.

                I returned to the kitchen with her in my arms. Edward was leaning against the counter, looking at ease.

                “So, how is everything.”

                I smiled at that. “Couldn’t be better. I`m busy, but I`m happy.”

                “I can see that. Alice said you`re a professor now?” Of course, she would have been filling him in, Alice and I still emailed one another every few weeks. She had been involved in as many things as possible, even going as far as designing my wedding invitations. I had wanted her to be a godmother when Luke was born, but Sam had objected.

                “Yep. English literature.”

                “I can`t say that I`m surprised.”

                I sat at the kitchen table, motioning for him to do the same.

                “Is this your daughter?”

                “Yes. Charlotte, little Charlie.”

                He grinned. “How is big Charlie?”

                “Having a blast, I hope, he and Sue are on their honeymoon.” I gestured vaguely at the house, “which is why I`m here.”

                “How wonderful.”

                “Yeah, it only took them ten years to get around to it.”

                “Alice was sad to miss the wedding. But it just wasn’t possible, what with her looking the same after 15 years and the ceremony being in La Push.”

                “He really appreciated the card she sent.”

                “How is Sam?” His eyes seemed to pierce into me.

                “Good. He`s still working at the hospital, which he loves, and he`s trying to convince me to have another baby.” I laughed at the thought. “Leah is about to pop with their second, they`re having a boy and she`s over the moon, but I can`t imagine going through all of it again. Three is more than enough for me.”

                “Which ones are yours?” He gestured to the back window, where the kids were just barely visible- to me at least- through the rain.

                “The boys. Luke and Will. The girls, my nieces, are Kim and Jared and Jake and Leah`s.” Sam and I were Megan`s godparents, and the pack still referred to each other as brothers, and Leah was officially my step-sister. I loved that the girls had grown up calling us Aunt Bella and Uncle Sam.

                “A big family.”

                “Huge. And growing by the minute. Paul is marrying Jake`s sister Rachel in the spring, Seth is bringing a girl home for Christmas, Leah`s cousin Emily has three daughters and a fourth on the way, Quil and his wife Claire are trying, Embry is engaged… We`ll be up to our ears in babies before too long.”

                “So, you`re happy?”

                “Blissfully so.” Charlie sighed sleepily against my chest, one of her hands reaching up to grip my hair.

                “No chance of me stealing you away?”

                I laughed. “Why would you want to? I`m a thirty-three-year-old mother of three. And a college professor who grows tomatoes for fun. Not exactly the girl you left behind.”

                “So, you have no interest in playing Helen of Troy and running away with me? You are just as beautiful, and as fascinating, as you were the day I met you. I doubt that will ever change.” His tone was playful, but there was sadness in his eyes.

                “No. None. This is my home and my family. I`m going to get old and wrinkled here, scare off Charlie`s boyfriends, be a grandmother, all of it.”

                “And die?”

                “And die.”

                He smiled, and it almost reached his eyes. “Good. I`m glad to see you doing so well. Rose will be thrilled to hear about the kids, she asks Alice about them all the time.”

                “I wish she could meet them. I wish you all could. How is everyone?”

                “Wonderful. We`ve been spending a lot of time in Alaska, our cousin Kate just got married.”

                “Send her my best. And the rest of the family.”

                “Of course.”

                “Mom!” Will came racing into the kitchen, spraying mud behind him. Charlie jerked upright on my lap. “Luke took my action figure!”

                Luke was behind him in an instant, Meg and Harriet on his heels, “I did not!”

                “You`re waking up your sister.” A firm look silenced them both. Harriet giggled, she loved trouble as much as her father did. Meg watched me with Kim`s wide curious eyes. “Now, I don’t care who started it or who took the action figure. Give it to Will, or you`re all coming inside.”

                “Yes mom.” They grumbled, trekking back out.

                Edward, who had vanished when they entered, re-appeared in the doorway. “You`re good at that.”

                “Thank you.” I stood up, rocking Charlie gently from side to side.

                “I should probably go.”

                “I guess. It was nice to see you.”

                “Good luck with the tomatoes” He smiled that crooked smile at me, moving towards the door, “and everything else. Give Sam my best.”

                “Thank you, I will.” I opened the door for him, leaning to let him past.

                “Goodbye,” He paused for a moment before turning to kiss me lightly on the forehead. “I love you.”

                “Goodbye.” I murmured, but he was already gone.

                I wondered idly, as I carried my daughter back into the house, if that was the last time I would ever see him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is finally the end of the story. I am not opposed to writing a sequel, I do have a few ideas for one, but I would need to know if you guys would be interested? Let me know what you think.


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